Woman Friday

The one where the writer equals... Superman?

2012-01-23T22:29:00.001-06:00

So if we are to take Bernard Malamud's quote that I listed at the top of my page as seriously as possible, does this mean that the writer is equal in status to Superman (or any other hero, for that matter)?

The one to rant about Christian music.

2011-08-14T16:06:00.001-05:00

Christian music is, in general, devoid of any merit.

Maybe I should specify that I am talking about mainstream Christian music. I'm talking about your average bunch of average musicians you find at an average Christian merchandise store. These are the people we are supposedly touting as our best and most popular. How sad is it when our "best" simply repeat "I love you, God" three times over?

I do exaggerate, and I realize this. However, it is nearly impossible not to when I have to listen to the Christian music station when driving to work with some of my co-workers. Thirty minutes in to work, thirty minutes back. One hour of "Christian" music that does not seem to change key, pitch, lyrics, style, or quality.

When God created the world, He created diversity in plant and animal life. When God punished the people at the Tower of Babel, He in essence also blessed humanity with a variety of languages. At the throne of God in heaven, there will be men and women from all races. Why, then, do Christian musicians feel that they cannot be versatile in their musical creations?

This, to me, is utter blasphemy against the God these musicians claim to celebrate. They want to celebrate Him, but they don't seem to want to give any recognition to the fact that they were created in God's image and as such should be more creative than they are being. The ultimate Creator wants us to strive to be more like Him every day; this includes being creative in the arts and very obviously does not exclude it. Therefore, it seems like mockery, a laugh in God's face (or a direct disobedience to His wishes) that we should be anything but the best and most creative in the world. If we are to redeem the world and make disciples of all nations, I find it highly unlikely we will do so with such monotony.

People usually notice innovative, unique artists far more than they will an artist who sounds just like that other artist. Case in point: Lady Gaga. No, she is not a moral role model we want to follow, but she did emerge on the music scene with her undoubtedly unusual antics and creativity. It seems pathetic that a Christian did not beat her to it.

Or maybe they have and we just don't want to support those singers or bands because they are not officially "labeled" or "signed" as Christian artists. U2 has been around for decades and still makes award-winning, globally popular music which is also truthful and godly in message, but heaven forbid we suggest them to our fellow believers because they are not signed with a Christian record company (and Bono says he's a Catholic, so we can't really be sure he's a Christian, anyway). Thrice is a slightly better option as the lead singer confesses to being a Christian and purposefully writes spiritually positive lyrics, but then again, the band's music is harder rock and sometimes they scream instead of sing... and we're just not comfortable with that, either. We may feel more comfortable recommending Switchfoot, who has broken the barrier between Christian and secular music successfully, but then again, they did sort of sell out... and we're not sure we're comfortable with recommending them, either (even though their music consistently shows creativity and biblical truths beyond the majority of Christian and secular artists).

We need more bands like U2, Thrice, and Switchfoot, in my opinion. And until we do, I will refuse to drown my ears in the sea of Christian music. I'd rather God see me singing "We are the image of the invisible... Though all the world may hate us, we are named" one time than "I love you, God" three times over.

The zombie-fication

2011-03-10T22:02:00.005-06:00

When your husband and your cousin play Left 4 Dead blasting, screaming, and running their way to safety, you can't help but laugh.

I think it's safe to laugh at such games because zombies are not real. Even if they were, I don't think the humans infected would actually be considered human anymore (that is probably a debate best saved for another time). Shooting zombies in a game, therefore, is quite entertaining if the people playing the game aren't taking things seriously and also laugh at the ridiculousness of their situation.

However, I had to pause when I realized that sometimes people are called zombies, usually when their brain is fried and they can't respond in a manner that shows brain processes are still even remotely working. Not surprisingly, I had started feeling like this before our vacation to Colorado. Work was uninspiring, life was mundane, and there was not much motivation left in my body or soul. This unfortunately led to me becoming very negative about a lot of areas of my life, a fact that I was not aware of until my husband and I were lying in bed, sharing what we wanted to improve about ourselves for each other. Nick said he wished I wasn't so negative. That was definitely a painful eye-opener. That was also a very good indication that I definitely needed this vacation.

So if I had become a brain-dead zombie, doesn't that mean I should actually laugh at myself like I laughed at the game zombies?

And there it is. If I can laugh at zombies in games, and if I can make sure to laugh at myself and my own mistakes before improving, then I still find little pleasures in life. Then I can be positive.

The one where I'm back...

2011-01-16T20:15:00.006-06:00

So I'm back. For how long, that's yet to be determined (as usual, right?).

There's a lot of new events going on in my life. Nick and I got a loan for the repairs for our basement, which has yet to be fixed. We are debating adopting our friend's cat when he leaves. I have been unofficially diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). My dear friend Abby Hayes and I are going to start a natural/healthy beauty and makeup website. This past weekend was the 5th annual Prairie Grass 48-Hour Film Challenge, in which I participated for a fourth year. I'm trying to write more. Nick and I are looking into moving to Colorado in two years. The job is not what I want to do but it pays well and is treating me much better than last year, so I actually don't dread going to work anymore.

And this is where God is teaching me patience. I really don't like Iowa; in fact, the honest way I'd describe living here is that I despise it overall. Besides my friends and the prices, this state holds nothing for my future (no, not everyone wants to raise their kids here). However, I have been so discontent and antsy the last year and a half that I finally realized that God is probably trying to tell me something. I've only been really paying attention for the last two months or so, but I am getting an inkling that God wants me to be patient. He basically said, "Who needs kids? There's Iowa for Miss Bree."

And that's where I'm at. If I happen to be interpreting things incorrectly, at least I'm still looking for patience and contentment.

The one with Planet Earth.

2010-08-31T22:00:00.003-05:00

We've been watching the BBC series Planet Earth. HIGHLY recommended. I've always adored animals and been incredibly interested in plants, oceans, rivers, caves, deserts, whatever else you can think of. This series has more than satiated my desire to catch up on my old knowledge of nature and wildlife and even add many new tidbits I've never heard before, but now my old knowledge is screaming to be expanded upon.

Maybe I'll have to add animal studies to my list of other interests. :)

The one where I promised...

2010-08-29T21:25:00.003-05:00

I did promise to write at least two more blogs this month. I am running very short on time to do so. This is, therefore, my first of the last two blogs. I am not sure if this blog will have a real purpose. I am merely just trying to get myself back into the habit of writing more. Otherwise, I am most likely screwing myself over and will lose touch with the hobby/skill/love of writing that I used to be so passionate about.

There was a dream I had a while back that I just can't get out of my head, and I really think that means I need to write it down. As always, dreams are a little weird (at least mine are) and this one was no exception. I was viewing the dream from a first-person point of view, but I was not myself; I was some character, a female soldier of some sort who was running around a very rubble-filled street with a bunch of similar soldiers following her. She/I got to the end of the street, loaded a sniper, snaked around the edge of the building, aimed, and fired.

Lots of other things happened in this dream, too, even though my dreams are always choppy, like only the absolutely most important scenes in a film being picked out and shown to you in separate chunks. My character went into a building where refugees were living; they bowed to her as well as the rest of her teammates. My character was talking with one of her teammates, also someone of romantic interest; they were discussing how they were sick of being seen as "Truth" and "Justice" (this idea of assigning an intangible concept to a physical person appeared frequently within the dream, even if it was just a feeling I got from some scenes... this is confusing to me and I'm not sure how I'd write it if and when I do).

Yes, this would definitely be a sci-fi or apocalyptic setting. I can't deny it: I love science fiction, fantasy, and almost anything else that is remotely related to those genres. Does that make me a geek or a nerd? Supposedly there is a difference (http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-the-Difference-Between-Nerds-and-Geeks).

If anyone would like to comment on this blog about my dream/story idea, please do so. I would welcome any feedback; it may help me to develop further ideas for it. I'm sure I'll be writing about this dream as it develops into a story in the future.

Also, more topics I've been wanting to write about here:
- natural beauty techniques/remedies and healthier makeup
- Lady Gaga
- shopping deals/recommendations
- becoming an adult and finding out who I am
- travel
- Renaissance Festival

The time when I actually wrote again.

2010-08-01T22:50:00.004-05:00

It's been quite a while, and for that, everyone can blame me.

There's been a lot going on at home here, which isn't a complete excuse but it is definitely some. When you have to vacuum up around 40 gallons of water from your flooded basement, you know there's a lot going on.

The main thing that's been going on is that I've just been flat-out unmotivated to do much. This includes writing, which I'm very surprised I'm even doing right now. However, I take this current activity to be a good sign that things may be improving in my psyche, or at least there's some small part of my brain that is still telling me I don't really want to suck.

I doubt I'll write much more tonight. I just wanted to get something out on "paper" to clear my thoughts. I hope at some point, I can start writing blogs again regularly. I am also debating about starting another blog, one that's a bit more upbeat and interesting than this one. But we'll see. My first goal really should just be to write more.

If anyone is still reading this, keep track of me this next month. If, by August 31, I have not posted at least two more times, you can all contact me however you so desire (a comment on an old blog, a message on Facebook, a personal e-mail, etc.), and rip me a new one.

Yes, you will all be my accountability readers.

The choice of Facebook friends.

2010-03-08T21:54:00.002-06:00

No, this is not going to be about who you do and do not add to your "friends" list on Facebook. This post is going to present in very short detail the topics that some of my friends and family on Facebook suggested I write about in my next blog. Ready for some completely unrelated topics? Here we go.

Suggestion #1 from Sarah: My experience at Oxford!
Unfortunately, this would take far too long to even fit into one blog post. That's why Sarah has been writing many blog posts about her Oxford experience; you should know better, Sarah. Shame on you.
But seriously, I do hope to someday compile my thoughts on and experiences in Oxford into a memoir-type essay/book. I kept a diary for the majority of the time I was there, and what I didn't write down can be replaced by memories from pictures and all the contact I still have with friends I made while there. Cheers to Oxford.

Suggestion #2 from Alvin: Whether God can help but reveal himself... or herself.
I think this would need a lot more clarification in order for me to write about it. I have several questions running around in my head right now. For example, what do you mean by "reveal?" Is this supposed to be some joke about God exposing himself, or is it actually a serious proposal in regards to how God's presence can be seen in even the smallest of things?
Maybe it's a joke, because I don't buy the "herself" part.

Suggestion #3 from Morgan: SHOES =)
Ah, now if I started to write about shoes, I don't think many people would enjoy it as I neither wax philosophical about them nor do I claim to be a fashion expert whose advice should be heeded. I do, however, adore shoes to the level that only fellow shoe-lovers would understand. I think the word "shoe-gasm" says it all.

Suggestion #4 from Jesse: Write me a short script featuring romance and violence and a philosophical theme within a rural farm-town setting.
Hmm. Now this may have some potential, seeing as how if I won't wax philosophical about shoes I may be able to do so in a script about romance and violence and a rural farm town... except for the fact that this idea would definitely take longer than one blog post. However, it sounds an awful lot like my life already, minus the violence, of course, so that's probably even more incentive to write it... eventually. :)

Suggestion #5 from Mike: Write a romance novel about people living like pirates in an underground cove, but its Truman Show style, so they're constantly being watched. Also, they're robots. And they're in Disney World.
But they're in LOVE, damn it!
I think you pretty much gave me the perfect way to end this blog, Mike.

The time I wrote after nearly two months.

2010-02-08T20:58:00.002-06:00

It's been almost two months since I wrote. These have been an exciting two months.

Nick and I stayed home for Christmas and celebrated the day with Katie and Jesse, champagne, Scrabble, Settlers of Catan, and a sexy, ridiculous, B (maybe C?) grade movie called Bandidas starring Penélope Cruz and Salma Hayek. Those combined into a very unique Christmas day.

Nick and I finalized the purchase of our very first home on December 31. We had a lot to celebrate that night as we looked to the new year. We were moved in completely by the end of the second week of January. There will be pictures to come. :)

Nick also finished up his job at Fareway and started working full-time only at Alpha Omega as a technician in the technical support department. He realizes what a fantastic opportunity this is for him to advance in the computer and customer service fields. Plus, I'm not going to lie, it's nice to see hubby on breaks and during lunch.

I have successfully kept alive two plants, one normal ivy plant that when flourishing grows so rapidly I've come to call it Rapunzel for the sheer length of the vines that hang out of the pot, and one neanthebella palm named Plant in honor of Wall-E. My friend Trish also bestowed on me a bamboo owned by our dear friend Jess, who couldn't take Angelica (the bamboo) back with her to Canada. In addition, at our housewarming party at the end of January, I inherited yet another ivy plant that I plan to name if I can keep it alive, as it is already withering even with being fed plant food once a week and water every other day.

It's the small things in life that need to make me happy.

The broken record vs. the Grammy-winning album.

2009-12-14T21:37:00.003-06:00

It's time for an update.

I act like my life is so busy and that I don't have time to write. I really do have plenty of time on my hands; I just don't handle it correctly. Does this mean that I don't want to write anymore? Am I even a writer anymore?

What I need to do is start carrying some sort of a journal or small notebook and write down whatever random thought comes to my mind. Maybe that will keep me actively writing.

Part of the problem I honestly believe is that I sit at a desk for eight hours a day and grade other people's writing, and I think by the end of the day I'm sick of writing corrections for those writings. I don't feel like starting my own pieces for someone else to critique and therefore put them in a similar, stale spiral that I'm currently in.

What I really need to do is learn to handle my time better.

However, there is hope. I am slowly doing little things more and more often during the day that show that I'm not just coming home and becoming a couch potato in front of a grossly addicting TV show (which still happens, but not as regularly). For example, I went shopping on Saturday with a few of my girlfriends and I literally got 2/3 of my Christmas shopping done.

Right, so that wasn't a work day.

Anyway, I do honestly get things done after a day at work. Today, for example, I started packing a few more things, cleaned up just a little bit around the house, and also wrapped all of Nick's Christmas gifts. So I do get things done. Yay for me.

How many times have I said, "I think I'll start to write more tomorrow"? I sound like a broken record.

What I need to aim for is not sounding like a broken record, but like a Grammy award-winning album. Or a New York Times bestseller. Because that is honestly what I'm worth if I put my mind to it. Boost that self-esteem!

I have some good ideas rolling around in my brain. I think I can do it. I know I can do it.

The shorter-than-intended blog.

2009-11-11T22:34:00.003-06:00

I meant to write a longer blog than the one I shall write now. However, what started out as a good intention was quickly thwarted by fatigue, so this blog will be rather short.

My original plan was to write about either office politics or my new idea to write a memoir about life in Iowa as a young, newly-married, West-coast woman. Either would have been more interesting than this post, so I assure you I will indeed write about these two topics in the future.

But for now I the main thought on my mind is Oxford. I miss it something terrible. I want to go back. But if I went back to study for and receive my Master's degree, what would I study? I have too many interests at this point for me to choose just one: linguistics, creative writing, fantasy/science fiction, women's rights, film/cinema/media, culture, and even Egyptology. What a ridiculously cultured mind I have (I know, I am definitely bragging at this point).

I don't mind life here in Iowa right now. But I know I will get sick of it, and Nick knows this as well. We are aiming for moving to Colorado or Oxford, and after seeing how many of my friends that I met in Oxford on my semester abroad trip are already back in school earning their Master's degrees, I really want to aim for my advanced degree, as well. I feel like I am "behind" them, that I'm not where I should be, because I could in fact be earning my very own Master's degree.

Ah, well. God has a plan and it will be revealed eventually.

I always wish that my blogs will turn out more humorous than they usually do; it's disappointing that they don't!

The church home dilemma.

2009-11-01T01:01:00.001-05:00

What do you look for in a church? Do you aim only for doctrine, or do you also pay attention to the sincerity and passion in the music and singing, the genuine fellowship before and after the service, the care and compassion that Christians are supposed to show even outside of Sundays?

These questions keep coming to my mind as I get more and more frustrated with Nick and my church here in Sioux Center. The URC always seems to have doctrine very indicative of the Bible's true teachings, but it lacks in so many other areas. Here, for instance, the people do not seem to sing with their hearts. Every song sounds forced, even pained at times. And I know this is not true with every URC, but it is for this town. In addition, this town's URC seems friendly enough when I look around after a service, but hardly any of the families talk to us (by "families" I mean anyone married and with children or people we didn't know previously from Dordt). This limits our fellowship to only a few college kids in the church, which to me seems sad as Christians should be able to commune, fellowship, and worship together no matter what our ages or stages in life.

What ticked me off the most about our "church" recently was the fact that I mentioned Nick's surgery twice to one of our elders, and he did not once ask about it or how Nick was doing. Not once.

I do our church's newsletter layout. I asked the elder on Friday afternoon if I could postpone doing the newsletter to the next week (I admit that was a last minute request as the newsletter is usually completed and sent to this elder by Saturday morning). I had no idea Nick's surgery (including the unexpected ER visit) would take such a toll on my mental and physical state of mind. The elder said he'd prefer I don't postpone the newsletter release because there were schedules in there that people needed, but if I had to postpone, I could. I felt guilty, as I always do when I make a promise to someone and want to/have to cancel. So I did it.

I was up until 1:30 a.m. Friday night to get the newsletter done, and one of the pages turned out cut off, so part of the text couldn't be read. The elder called me about it. I fixed it. And he still didn't ask about Nick's surgery or how he was doing. This does not give me any confidence in our church's supposed leadership over its flock.

This is almost the last straw I have had with this church. Is my temper too short? Am I being too unforgiving? Am I being sinful and selfish in this way of thinking? I don't know. I only know that the preaching and doctrine is good, and everything else is seems like shit. What kind of church doesn't give at least some kind of visible effort to its singing, and what kind of congregation rarely talks to any of its younger members, and what kind of church council doesn't ask about one of its member's surgery and recovery?

The "We seem to be made to suffer; it's our lot in life" post.

2009-10-28T19:32:00.005-05:00

Such an incredibly optimistic title, that. Just be happy I still adore Star Wars enough to quote it; at least that movie has never failed me.

A lot has happened since my last post about possibly doing handmade crafts for etsy.com. And it all relates to Monday.

Nick had surgery this past Monday on a hernia that acted up after he lifted meat crates at work the previous week. He was unable to lift anything substantial all week before his surgery, and he always ended up being uncomfortable from pain by the end of any of his shifts.

He scheduled a time to have surgery, which his employer so politely told him he couldn't have that day because they wanted him to work this week. He basically told them that he needed the surgery and they would have to deal with him not working for a few days, but he allowed them to schedule him for this Friday and Saturday, for short shifts.

Monday we arrived at the hospital bright and early for prep and the surgery. I had taken thte day off, figuring I would just go in on Friday to make up for my lost time (I don't usually work Fridays). The surgery didn't take long; I barely had time to return some items bought at a store the day before, run home, and come back to the hospital to e-mail my co-workers when I was called to meet the surgeon.

Everything went well, apparently, and though Nick was in a lot of pain, we were glad things went smoothly. The nurses told us we would probably be home by 3 or 4 p.m. that day, if Nick was feeling strong and sound enough to stand up, use the restroom, and get into a wheelchair out to the car.

Three or 4 p.m. was a severe underestimation of Nick's recovery abilities.

We were at the hospital until 9:30 p.m., because Nick could not stand for the longest time without feeling like he was going to vomit and/or pass out. It was such a relief to get him home and in our own comfort zone. I decided to take Tuesday off, as well, because he would not be able to stand or shower without me there. I was fortunately able to work from home for what equated to a half day, grading papers from my online students. As the day progressed, Nick felt better and better, and was able to sit up and move around.

Today I went to work as usual. Nick seemed to be doing fine home alone the first few times I called him. Then he told me his pain was getting worse, and that it felt like a nerve was pinching. He couldn't stand up without fainting again. He got a hold of one of the nurses, who told him that his symptoms were unnatural complications, and he should come to the ER immediately to be examined. Fortunately, my dear friends Katie and Trish were able to bring him to the hospital and stay with him for the hour I was not able to be there because I was at work.

The ER visit revealed that Nick's surgery wound was healing, but that the area was inflamed, probably due to all his activity and movement on Tuesday when he felt better. The inflammation was indeed pinching a nerve and causing him a great deal of pain. The nurses gave him some anti-inflammatory medications, and he felt better. I took him home after receiving a new prescription for anti-inflammatory meds, as well as a doctor's note telling Nick's employer that he is not allowed to work this weekend. At all.

I dropped the note off at his work, and his boss, who probably saw me, did not stop to talk to me about it, and instead proceeded to call my husband at home, telling him that if he did not work this weekend, he could not have the next weekend off, as was previously scheduled and supposedly decided upon.

Nick asked off for the 6th and 7th of November quite a while ago. He had to fight for those days off, because they are a Friday and Saturday, and apparently his employer will die if someone wants those two days off. But Nick fought it, reminding them he would be around all Thanksgiving and Christmas to work, and that he had not asked off a full weekend in several months.

Yet now they are going back on their (excuse me) fucking word, for the mere reason that "they NEED him" one of these next two weekends, even though the doctor said no work and even though he had previously received permission to have the 6th and 7th off.

The 6th and 7th wouldn't be so important to me/us if it wasn't going to be our one vacation for quite some time. It was going to be our one-year anniversary getaway, because we aren't able to afford tickets to see either of our families, and we wouldn't be able to go anywhere anyway because Nick's employer won't let him off for Thanksgiving and Christmas without yet another fight.

Oh, yeah, they need him THAT MUCH.

This trip is very important to me, probably more so than it is to Nick. He insists that at this point, job retention and stability is more important. Is it really? Since when do jobs come before setting time aside for your wife, especially for an anniversary, which, by the way, was over three months ago and he had to work on our actual anniversary date, too?

I see his point, but I also don't agree with the way his employer is basically slave-driving their workers because they can, because the economy is so bad Nick doesn't dare mouth off to them and risk losing his job.

Once Nick works out a weekend he can have off with his employer or if he gets this job at my work (PLEASE PRAY HE DOES!), his employer is going to receive a VERY strong-worded letter from me.

The inclusion of expletives is being considered.

The quest for more funding.

2009-10-23T23:41:00.002-05:00

And by funding I mean "money to help us start a life together."

Not that we're suffering, but unless Nick's interview at my place of employment doesn't pan out like we hoped it would, I'll need to decide whether or not to start going to work all day on Fridays, or whether or not it's still more important for me to stay home on Fridays to clean, run errands, prepare for the next week, etc.

I'd like to get my accounts going on guru.com and elance.com so I could work on freelance writing on Fridays, and I'd like to start an account on etsy.com so I can sell home-made goods. Unfortunately, I only have one or two ideas for "home-made goods."

As a youngster, I was very much into origami. I mentioned this to my co-worker, and she believes I should make origami pieces that could sell, such as mini origami earrings and origami flower candy dishes for themed parties. I've received such advice in the past, when I was doing the folding art as a hobby, but I never put much thought into it because my needs were taken care of by my mom.

Of course, things have changed a bit now.

I believe the origami idea may work, but I think I may need another idea or two to keep my etsy.com existence alive and worthwhile. So what I'd like to ask my devoted readers is this: from what you know of and about me, what do you think I could make well and sell for a decent price on etsy.com?

Any and all suggestions will be listened to, but maybe not necessarily implemented.

The desire to act.

2009-10-10T21:08:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I wonder: could I have ever made it as an actress?

I would've needed to be more outgoing, that's for sure. I would've needed classes. I would've needed people to support me and encourage me to go that direction. However, I wouldn't have needed the looks.

So many people have told me how beautiful I am, how fashionable, how "classy" I am. Not that these are all necessarily characteristics of Hollywood stars (I have seen far too many un-classy stars for the world to physically sustain them all), but they definitely get you somewhere in that unfortunately too-shallow and self-absorbed world of film and television.

Yet that is partially why I think I could make it; I know my beliefs would be challenged frequently, but I honestly believe that if I could work on my undeveloped skills to get them to an acceptably "good" level of acting, and get into the Hollywood scene with my looks, fashion, business sense, and smarts, I'd be able to make a small difference in the media world by picking good scripts that I know were quality films with a good theme. I would want to act only in your "food for the thoughts" movies, ones worth every ounce of effort put into them, even if that effort is not blockbuster-selling.

Maybe I'd be able to show my love of story in interviews, and maybe I'd be able to show my appreciation for behind-the-scenes workers on special edition DVDs. Maybe I'd be aiming to show my faith in every aspect of my acting career.

Or maybe I'd just be hoping for a few good shots of me as I walked down the red carpet.

It's some of all of that, which I feel guilty admitting mostly due to my selfish side of wanting those few good shots.

I don't really have to worry about any of this right now, as there isn't a huge demand for Hollywood actors in Sioux Center, Iowa. But what if the opportunity comes up later? What do I do then?

The eBay obsession.

2009-10-04T01:02:00.003-05:00

I feel utterly addicted sometimes.

And not to something one would normally consider "wrong" or "sinful." I am often addicted to eBay, which is the case now.

I have bid on at least 20 items in the last month, and though I have won only a few of those items, I realize that I probably do not need to be buying these items. However, my "business" brain is trying to convince me that I do, in order to complete or enhance my previous collections. For example, I have recently completed my entire collection of Galoob brand dolls from the 1997 animated movie Anastasia, all because I finally found the last doll I needed. In addition, I have bought the Rose DeWitt Bukater doll from Titanic that I have wanted for several years now, which I can add to my "other" collection of dolls.

The reason I want complete or improved collections is so I can sell them back on eBay to raise money for Nick and I, should we decide to go to Spain or send me to graduate school, or even to simply move to Colorado. So in that sense, these purchases are really an investment for my future.

At this point, however, I probably just need to restrain myself from going and buying everything I've ever wanted off of eBay. Confound that blasted auction site.

The early morning.

2009-09-26T09:35:00.003-05:00

Sometimes I find it very sad that I going to bed by 10:30 or 11 on Friday nights and getting up at 8 a.m. or 9 a.m. This used to be a non-existent pattern in my life, as in it never happened. However, college is over and adult life has set in. I now consider 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. regular times to get up, but the idea that they are "early morning" is still drilled into my head.

So as of right now, I have been awake for almost 40 minutes, and I am sitting here enjoying the fresh, full, "awake" feeling of a full breath of air being sucked into my expanding lungs. My bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats was delicious, and I am contentedly sipping a cup of vanilla chai while I debate my first cleaning chore I shall tackle after I shower. Or maybe vice versa, depending on how dirty the chore is.

The day is starting out well. It's on mornings like this that I wish I had the dedication to grab my Bible and read. One of my weakest areas is devotions. I like to think that if I go sit outside and look at the morning nature that is a type of devotion in itself. However, I know that when I stick to that credo I am fooling myself. Even non-Christians can do that, whether they know it or not.

Day's like this make me feel energized and eager to work hard for 4 or 5 hours so I can relax the rest of the day. I know this is something I should thank God for, and should first meditate on His word before doing. I just can never seem to pull myself to do it.

Nick and I both know we are lagging with devotions. We were never brought up with that mindset, that devotions are something you do personally, every day, consistently. Even if we were told this, it doesn't seem like either of our sets of parents practiced it on a regular basis themselves. Like parents, like children.

And so when I sit next to my finished bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats and sip from my vanilla chai, I know I am blessed. I am very blessed to have a warm home amidst the crisp, just-arriving fall air of a September morning. I am blessed to have pajamas on covered by a teal fleece jacket my mom bought for me in London. I am also very blessed to be enjoying this food.

However, I also know that I should be blessed to own a Bible, yet I never seem to touch it. I think, despite all my past attempts at keeping a consistent devotional life, that all those little blessings I just mentioned help to keep me on the right track. At least I recognize them as gifts from God, and I am grateful for them. I have actually been more grateful and content (after some struggling here and there) this past year than I possibly have ever been before. And that gives me hope that God is still holding me in His hand.

Maybe this empty bowl and cup of vanilla chai, my pajamas and my jacket, and my comfy apartment with a waiting shower will be the impetus for at least starting devotions again, every day in the early morning.

The tipsy time.

2009-09-24T23:15:00.001-05:00

Yes, I've had a few drinks tonight and maybe that's why I've realized I need to write more. Funny how that works, huh? At least I can type and use correct grammar.

I may as well shoot myself at this point because I always say I should write more and then I never do. It's pointless rambling.

I think I need inspiration, something hard to come by for me in Northwest Iowa.

The thirtieth post.

2009-09-17T00:00:00.002-05:00

This is my thirtieth post. That's right, thirtieth. The big 30th.

Not that that's a big number. I just want to give myself a small pat on the back for actually blogging more than I ever have in the past, even if it is rather sparse and unphilosophical.

I also want to post this blog to give myself not just a pat on the back but a kick in the pants, a reminder to get off my lazy ass sometimes and actually write. Write like I used to, free and without concern as to what other people might think of my thoughts, ideas, stories, and other literary endeavours.

And my ridiculously Anglophilic obsession with British spelling.

The aching of my heart.

2009-09-06T15:18:00.003-05:00

I haven't written in a while. Sadly, it seems like that's what I always say when I start a new post.

Sometimes I wish I was one of those really good writers. You know, the kind who were bi-polar or depressed all the time, because despite their very serious ailments, they wrote some of the most beautiful fiction and non-fiction of all time. Sometimes I realize I could very easily turn into one of these types of writers, and that both deeply satisfies and terrifies me.

When I get upset or angry or depressed, I seem to be attacked by whatever emotion is currently in my system, and then it threatens to take over. Sometimes it does for a little bit. It is one of these moments that currently controls me. At times like this, where I am upset or angry or depressed or all three, I am always about ready to break down into tears, or just head for my laptop and type out something in a blog, just to get the thoughts out of my head.

All these emotions penetrating my mind are what convince me that I'll be a well-respected writer someday. They drive my writing the majority of the time, when I have so much to say that I must get it down on paper or on screen. My mood swings often dictate when or how much I write. And I know, as a writer, re-writing and editing is downright crucial to successful writing, but when emotions are running amuck, no one can deny that you might as well get what you're feeling onto paper before you try to fix it. Then you will feel better and, if you're a good writer, you'll motivate yourself to go back to those crazy ink jots and make them sound at least partially sane and readable.

On the other hand, having such intense mood swings and emotions is dangerous, and I often wonder if this is how the most famous masters of literature started out before spiraling into the abyss of mental disorder. Thoughts like this often make me halt whatever emotions I'm feeling so that I don't go any farther. So I guess as worried as I am about going crazy someday, I have an innate defense already in place against letting myself go too far. Hopefully, this barrier remains in place for the rest of my life.

If it doesn't, I may just end up being the best damn writer of our time. We'll all just have to wait and see.

The reason I am addicted to "Battlestar Galactica."

2009-08-24T20:58:00.003-05:00

There are several reasons why I am addicted to one of the best science fiction shows that I've seen in a long time, a very long time indeed. Not only is the acting incredible, but so is the writing. The writers of this show put so much effort and thought into these characters that I often get confused and frustrated just trying to follow the many story threads they bring up, play with, close up, and open all over again.

Nick and I are currently with our dear friends, Katie and Jesse, at their house, watching Battlestar Galactica. The episode we are on is entitled "Maelstrom," and it is absolutely fascinating.

It follows the current psychological state of one of the show's main characters, Kara Thrace. I must give a very respective salute to Katee Sackhoff, who portrays her character with flawless realism. She is so utterly convincing as a hot-shot pilot that you can't believe what an ass she can be, yet as she goes insane, you cannot help but feel terribly sorry for her.

This episode makes you feel her anger, her turmoil. You want Kara to find peace, to find what she is looking for and to understand what is going on inside her. The episode drags you in and refuses to let you go, especially when it starts to explain what exactly is happening to Miss Kara Thrace. At that point, your hand refuses to touch the remote as you follow Kara from the initial hints of insanity to the very brink of her heart-wrenching maelstrom.

It gets even better when Adama, played by the fantastic Edward James Olmos, breaks down himself.

Someday I can only hope to write like this.

The frustration that may lead to a book.

2009-08-15T23:00:00.005-05:00

It has recently occurred to me that I should keep track of my experiences, emotions, thoughts, etc. every time I go shopping.

Why is this, you ask? I think it's because I have such a hard time struggling with greed and discontent every time I walk into a retail store. There's always something I end up wanting.

I posted a while ago about possibly writing a book about fashion and Christianity. That idea is rolling around in my head again.

But I'm not sure I want to talk about Christianity, or if I should just aim for pointing out the flaws in today's materialistic society and how it screws with people's psyches.

I'd appreciate feedback about this idea; do you think it would be of interest to some people? Maybe sell a few copies?

The reason our air-conditioning is on.

2009-08-11T21:59:00.006-05:00

I tend to be rather squeamish around bugs, even ones that I can easily kill like ants and crickets. You have to realize that I have sufficient reason for this squeamishness, though, as I spent my childhood in Virginia where there were ticks and gnats and my adolescent years in Arizona where there were scorpions and black widows. After saying that, Arizona sounds far more exotic than Virginia.

Now that live in Iowa, I have to deal with house centipedes.

Apparently, they are not harmful to humans, and even if their mandibles are strong enough to bite you, the bite isn't that bad and ends up being similar to a bee sting or spider bite. However, they happen to be a yellow-grey-brown color, a lot like scorpions are, and I grew up constantly watching where I stepped so I didn't step on a scorpion. I am now resuming that habit for these nasty, 15-legged predators.

One way to get rid of these things is by drying out your house, because they only really like to live in moist places. We try not to run our dehumidifier and air conditioning if we can help it, to save on bills and the environment, but in this case, I'd almost rather pay an extra $5 to not fear walking on my carpet.

Here's a picture. I hope my squeamish attitude makes sense now.

The time I realized I wasn't writing.

2009-08-10T22:14:00.003-05:00

So I have not written in a very long time. And for that, I probably should apologize to you all for failing to provide interesting updates in relation to my life. However, the person I should really be apologizing to is myself.

I tried to write on this blog every day when I started that, and unfortunately that only lasted two weeks. There were reasons for not writing after those two weeks, such as my best friends' wedding week where I was involved in helping prepare the wedding as a bridesmaid, but now that not much has happened in my life other than starting my job and getting used to that schedule, I have no excuse for not writing more often.

I hope to stick to writing more often now.

Unfortunately, I do not have much else to say right now. My main goal in this post was forgiving myself and others for not writing as much as I should.

I have ideas for future blog posts, though. Like how I solved my make-up situation, and how I find the character development in Battlestar Galactica fascinating.

Goodness gracious, aren't you looking forward to updates on my life?

The new obsession.

2009-08-01T23:07:00.002-05:00

...Is Battlestar Galactica.

Nick and I are having a blast watching it. No pun intended.

That is pretty much the extent of my post tonight, even though I haven't written in a very, very long time.

I'll write more later. Promise.

The catching-up.

2009-07-20T01:16:00.003-05:00

It's been a while, and that's definitely my fault.

But it's not all a bad fault. I started a new job this past week, and that always excites and drains you at the same time. At least, it usually does me.

I also happened to have a few serious discussions with the husband about our future, and so far he has changed his mind and is up for moving to South Korea to teach English, but he'd still prefer a Central or South American country so we can improve our Spanish at the same time, which I actually tend to agree with.

In addition, I've been getting lots of wife-y duties done, like cleaning the house, organizing paperwork, and trying to train myself to make regular meals. I also found a makeup routine that works for me. Huzzah.

See? Not all my fault.

What is my fault is not figuring out what I can for Katie and my tutoring business. Despite all the time I've had to myself this past month being unemployed, I still haven't touched our business plan or anything like that. And Katie is back from her honeymoon on Tuesday. My bad.

That makes me wonder: how dedicated to the idea of tutoring am I, or am I just in it for the money it will rake in?

At least I'm writing again. I have been reading a lot these past few nights, but not writing, and it definitely feels good to get back into the swing of things. What I should really do tomorrow night before work again on Tuesday is take the eLance "test" you have to pass before you can be an "approved" eLancer. Then I may actually be able to get writing jobs.

The make-up and dark circles.

2009-07-09T18:00:00.003-05:00

For a while now, I've wanted to blog about my daily make-up routine. Don't ask me why, and don't make fun of me. I'm quite proud that I've learned how to apply and match make-up well to my personal skin tones, but it's a skill that's taken quite a while to develop: around 8 or 9 years, to be exact. I started wearing your basic concealer and mascara around 7th grade. I'm now a college graduate.

I suppose I also want to blog about make-up because I have recently started looking into easier, faster, better ways of covering the dark circles under my eyes. I am cursed with the truth that my dark circles are actually hereditary, and cannot be fully cured with any medication or cream... ever. It's such a wonderful feeling when people see you without make-up on and ask if you got enough sleep the night before.

Every morning I use Neutrogena's Radiance Boost Eye Cream, and it tends to tone down the darkness some, but only a little. I put used tea bags on my eyes some nights, too, because the leaves and herbs actually help reduce darkness and puffiness, as well. Other than that, I tend to just put on my foundation, then concealer, then powder. Although with what I've been reading on the Internet, I should try putting the concealer on under the foundation, and then add more concealer on top. Or rather, I should try putting color correcter on under foundation, which means I have to choose a color to use for correction.

So in the morning, when I get decent sleep, I have to study the bags under my eyes and determine what "shade" they are: blue, purple, brown, or red, or some combination of the four. Once I've decided on the lovely color my bags are, I have to buy the matching color corrector with the right hue: orange/salmon for blue, yellow for purple, blue/mauve for brown, and olive for red. I tend to think my eyes are a bit purple and red, but I'll confirm this tomorrow.

After this, I have to experiment with my corrector, concealer, foundation, and powder, and figure out what is the best way to apply all of them. In addition, I think I need to buy a new concealer, because mine always cakes up on my face.

All that I've read on this topic on the Internet, or any make-up topics for that matter, mention buying expensive brands for correctors and other make-up. The thing is, I am a normal, middle-class woman who wants to keep her spending under control, and who also thinks that you do not need to always have name-brand items in order to produce the same results. I do believe, however, that you should steer clear of the cheapest products, as many of these are just made poorly and have bad consequences if you dare to spend money on them. So what I need to do is find a few good products that work on my skin, without spending too much money or having the products irritate my skin and acne.

This, my friends, is the most daunting task. Finding, buying, and experimenting with different products and different brands. I hate it; I feel like I am gambling, hoping that this time this brand will work on my face and that my face won't react and break out.

Wish me luck.

The goal to start writing more.

2009-07-08T23:30:00.002-05:00

So I think I need to keep writing more.

After a great night at the bar with my good friend Alvin, I believe I need to start writing more, and start freelancing, and do whatever the hell else I can do in order to become a better and even published writer.

This decision has little to do with the influence of alcohol; I have in fact been thinking of doing this for a while now. I always thought it'd be rewarding (if not hard at first) to be a freelance writer. I've heard and gotten encouragement from many people that freelancing is a great option for me at this point. Random paychecks with some great experience.

I've always wanted to write since I was a kid. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to write, or when, or how, but I always knew I wanted to write something good (and by good, I meant somewhat popular or at least well-received), and I wanted to write for the rest of my life. I'm assuming freelancing is going to be a step in the right direction for this goal.

So the next step is making sure I start my tutoring business with Katie, and then figuring out my personal schedule from there, and working during my "free time" to write and submit my writing to various papers, magazines, journals, etc.

Anyone have any suggestions? I'm open to ideas.

The weekend.

2009-07-06T23:09:00.009-05:00

I am back. But I really don't have too much to say.

I had a very fun weekend. I'm sure you don't want to sit here and read about what happened first, and next, and oh, then after that this crazy thing happened. Instead, I'll give you a quick summary, instead of droning on and on as I usually do in these posts. This is what my trip boiled down to:

1. Slept in on Saturday morning
2. Jet-skied and swam on Saturday afternoon/evening
3. Drank wine, lit off fireworks, roasted S'mores Saturday night
4. Slept in on Sunday morning
5. Spent an extra hour in bed with Nick snuggling and dozing
6. Went on the boat and tried water-skiing, failing miserably, on Sunday afternoon
7. Did some more jet-skiing, followed friends in the boat as they went tubing, Nick almost crashed into the boat and to save us turned the jet-ski and we flipped off, I lost my favorite and only pair of sunglasses, I got super-pissed at him and went back to the lakehouse to shower and cool down, all on Sunday afternoon/evening
8. Left the lake house around 7 p.m. on Sunday night, got home at 1 a.m. on Monday

Oh, I forgot. We both got sunburnt on our shoulders and arms, and we are also both very, very stiff and aching from too much falling-off and jet-skiing. It was painful to even get into bed.

However, I can't complain too much. Nick and I had some much-needed alone time, as well as relaxing and having fun.

On another note, I found the perfect shower curtain for our bathroom!

Beautiful, isn't it? Thank you, Bed Bath and Beyond. You're genius.

The reason I won't write for a few days.

2009-07-03T18:02:00.002-05:00

I will not be posting for the next several days, probably not until Monday. The reason is because I'm going on vacation to a lake house that doesn't yet have wireless Internet installed.

This is not an excuse not to write, because I plan to blog each night and save my blogs and then upload them here later, or at least write a very long blog on Monday. I will divulge all the crazy, fun, exciting, wish-you-were-here-at-the-lake-house-for-Fourth-of-July-fireworks experiences that happen to Nick and I.

So, until then, cheers.

The curse of interior design.

2009-07-01T23:20:00.003-05:00

So I had an idea for a very elegant, very regal-feeling bathroom when Nick and I got engaged and registered for our bathroom towels and accessories. I never got a shower curtain to match the purple, cream, and bronze colors we chose. And I thought those colors would be easy to match and find a curtain for, but I was sorely mistaken.

I thought I found one I liked online, and when I went to the store that held it, I found it there but it was darker than it appeared online. I went back and grabbed another one, but then I realized that it was already the colors of my living room rather than the bathroom. Then I talked to Nick and realized he had hoped one of the rooms in our apartment would be modern, and all my ideas shattered.

I am not opposed to the idea of a modern bathroom, but it's hard to find modern shower curtains in the same colors as purple, cream, and bronze. Most modern colors are blues, greens, and oranges. Blues are out of the question, as our bedroom is blue. Greens, as I already noted are out of the question, as well. Oranges are acceptable, if only I could find a shade that matches the purple well enough.

I am working my very hardest to find a shower curtain that works. And this is my ridiculous obsession for the past several weeks. Sometimes it is a curse to have such a creative, interior design mind. I thank my mom for the inheritance of such a mind, but sometimes I wish I didn't have it, as mixing perfectionism and interior design often leads to long, stressful decisions about home decorating that inevitably cut my life short by a few years every time I deliberate.

I apologize for anyone who suffered through reading this, but I had to write something, as I've been missing the past few days. I suppose the post is humorous in a sense, but I believe it's ultimately just pathetic.

The vacation blues.

2009-06-28T23:27:00.003-05:00

Now that Katie and Jesse are married and relaxing on their honeymoon (soon to be in Italy), I happen to want the same thing all over again.

Since I can't have the same thing all over again, I am now wishing for a second honeymoon. This normally doesn't happen until your 25th anniversary, or some anniversary around there.

Since it is only going to be my 1st anniversary and not my 25th, I have to hope for a vacation in the form of Ireland or the Dominican Republic within the next two years.

I probably should have put a disclaimer at the beginning of this post: I love traveling, and this is the main reason I want to go on vacation. The second reason is probably because I get tired of Iowa, and the third is probably because I feel that America's work ethic is too destructive for our own good and we should really spend a few less hours at work and more time for ourselves and our families.

The prospect of my new job is therefore only slightly depressing and daunting to me, and I am sadly only working part-time. Imagine what I would be like if I'd gotten the full-time position. I feel like I'm a better person and truly myself when I have a good, part-time job that leaves room for personal goals, hobbies, volunteer work, spiritual life, and trips. Trips equal vacation.

Therefore, I should be happy about my new position being only part-time, but I see it as only a small stepping stone into the real world of full-time misery. I assume if I had a full-time job that I at least liked or loved most of the time that I wouldn't consider it misery, but those jobs are few and far between. However, since I don't have a full-time position I am not going to worry about it at the moment, and make the most of my new job and the free time that it gives me.

With this free time, I am going to try to make some extra money by tutoring, and hopefully this extra income and the money I save from my part-time job will be put toward that Ireland or Dominican Republic vacation. That, I would say, is a worthy goal. A goal worthy of no complaint or discontent, because I know that (unlike many people) I have the ability and means to accomplish the goal, even if it's not in the near future. Therefore, I'm going to work at not complaining or being discontent as much as I normally do.

Fortunately, I'll have a small vacation this coming fourth of July weekend at my friends' lake house again.

I'm terribly spoiled.

The day before the wedding.

2009-06-26T22:45:00.002-05:00

We just got back from the rehearsal dinner, and since everyone was doing so much running around today and so much planning and organizing and cooking and transporting... we all sort of went our separate ways.

Not that I should be sad: I see these people a lot, and I'm thankful for that.

It's just that when this many people are in one place together for a while, I feel like I want to hang out every night, because that's just usually what we do. And tonight we're not.

Several people are going to bed already to get up early and prepare for the wedding at the church. Other people are still up but watching a horror movie, which doesn't sound appealing to me (besides the being-with-people part). Still others are going on walks, or packing for their honeymoon, or playing XBox. But we are all separate, and for some reason that makes me sad.

I think I know, however, what is really gnawing at my heart is the fact that after this, yet another friend reunion is over, and Katie and Jesse will be gone for three weeks on their honeymoon. I understand the wedding will be over and people need to leave. I understand that the couple will be on a honeymoon because that's just what happens. But a large part of me does not want any of this to happen.

You could call that feeling selfish, but I'm starting to think it has a lot more to do with the human need for longing and attachment and companionship. I know I can "survive" three weeks without my very good friends Katie and Jesse, because it's not like I'll be completely without friends. I have Nick to be with, and my sister for about another week. I also have a new task to get used to: a job. However, there will be those nights during the next three weeks that I will severely miss hanging out with Katie and Jesse, and wishing they were here so Nick and I could socialize with them.

I used to think I was very independent, and that I didn't need anyone or friends as often as other people did. I used to follow these beliefs, and often stayed home nights instead of being with friends. This solely independent mentality has slowly dwindled over the past several years, as I realize now that I need not just a husband, but close friends to keep me happy, to keep me being who I am: a unique individual who is still independent in one sense, but one who embraces her independence in light of her surrounding family and friends.

I am a social being, and I need social contact. So how do I deal with the fact that my social contact is about to dwindle to a smaller size than I want it to be?

The time where I didn't write.

2009-06-25T03:37:00.002-05:00

I made it two weeks. And then I forgot.

Tuesday, the day I should have posted to keep up my streak, contained so much that I forgot to blog. I went shopping with girl friends, went to Sioux Falls with my husband, picked up my sister from the airport, and watched Transformers at the midnight showing.

Wednesday, which at this point was yesterday, the business continued as I helped set up for Katie's bachelorette party, as well as the karaoke party. Those events occurred about six hours and 40 minutes ago. Which means that it is now 3:40 a.m. on Thursday, June 25.

I really should go to bed, but I happen to not be at my house, and I happen to want to stay up just a little bit longer yet as I am not the one getting married and the one without the job (just yet). However, that's incredibly selfish of me as Katie needs lots of help in the morning. I know that I have been railing on those who have not helped Katie enough for this wedding, so I shouldn't become a hypocrite at this point.

But at this point, maybe I should go home and sleep. I can barely think anymore. I can barely type correctly. And for an English major that means that I either need sleep or a serious slap on the head.

I vote for sleep.

The two-week mark.

2009-06-22T22:55:00.003-05:00

It's been two weeks since I started blogging. This, my friends, is an accomplishment.

To this day, I still have not sent some English papers I wrote to the English department, and they requested them two months ago. I have not copied down recipes onto recipe cards, a little task I've been meaning to finish for the past several months. In addition, I also still have not written half of my wedding thank-you notes, and I got married a year ago.

Odd how most of those delayed to-do's have to do with writing.

I guess I shouldn't, as the old saying goes, "count my chickens before they hatch." I may not end up sticking to my plan, especially this week considering it is Katie's wedding week and things may get a little busy.

But I'm so determined to stick to this goal of mine, because I know it could improve my chances of becoming a successful writer, and I know for sure it will improve me as a writer. Maybe that's all I need to worry about right now. Just becoming a better writer.

The hecticness that comes with a wedding week.

2009-06-21T23:26:00.003-05:00

I am currently at my dear friend Katie's house, helping sort out all her wedding paraphenelia so that she can finally start to get everything together for every event leading up to and including her wedding. It's really very packed and busy at Katie's place as there are currently seven of us here including Katie preparing, polishing, cleaning, organizing, sorting, planning, and more. So I am really only taking a break because I promised myself as a writer that I would blog every day.

So far I haven't broken that promise!

I got out of the car after arriving at Katie's house, and I thought back to the time that Katie's sister Trish got married. I remember how busy that week was, too, as we had to gather everything together and all hang out in Omaha for a week to help out and attend/be in the wedding. I then remembered my wedding week and how I was only happy because people started to show up, all my friends and family, and Nick, of course. My wedding week was stressful for me, and incredibly scary in a certain sense, but I was glad to have loved ones around me. At the moment, I keep having random memories float up from the bottom of my mind about my wedding as I help Katie sort candles and figure out decorations. Even though I'm not making the decisions and these are not my colors, I remember distinctly when I was organizing my candles and figuring out which color lights should go with which color ribbon.

Then I realized that people arrived today for the wedding, more friends and family for Katie's wedding, and I got giddy for her. I had my special day, and though there were things that I wish I could've changed and there are things I'll never forget, I'm always excited to see what other people are going through, what they choose, what they are doing, and how everyone tries to pitch in to help (well, the majority of people, anyway).

I'm getting very excited for Katie and Jesse. It doesn't seem like this is the wedding week yet. But it is.

Hang on for the ride.

The moments where I feel faint.

2009-06-20T22:43:00.003-05:00

Today started out on a terrible note. I could not get to sleep from 1:30 a.m. to 3 a.m., and so all I did to whittle away at my awaken stupor was sit on Facebook and chat with Alvin for an hour and a half and skim through people's photos of the European concert tour. Fortunately, I fell asleep after these endeavours.

I woke up to my alarm at 8 a.m. For those of you with poor math skills, this equaled 5 hours of sleep. I don't do 5 hours of sleep. But I had planned on going to Omaha with friends for a graduation party; so I started crying because I felt guilty about not wanting to go anymore, and about being tired, and about generally feeling worthless. Nick tried to comfort me, and then I started talking and we started discussing, and things just blew up. One of those marital spats, I guess you could call it. We ended up working things out and falling asleep on the couch together until he had to get up an hour later to get to work on time.

Then I woke up at 3 p.m. I think that added another 5 hours to my sleep schedule, so fortunately I got 10 hours of sleep. I talked to my sisters for about an hour, and then showered, and then worked on my hair, which was another source of woe. I am not used to my hair being longer (though some of you would argue it's not long, and it really isn't, except when I'm previously used to it only being about 2 inches long and now it's 4 or 5, I find it frustrating and hard to deal with). It took me a good hour and a half to fiddle around with my hair, trying new styles and figuring out what would work and what wouldn't. I want something quick and easy; that did not happen today.

The day got better after this. Nick came home for lunch and was very cheerful that his longer shift was over and had only a short shift to go. After he'd left, I cleaned up my desk, dusted the apartment, washed the dishes, and started to clean up a few other things like our filing cabinet as I watched Rat Race. I touched the computer only once these past few hours, excepting now, and I'm proud of myself for that, at least.

I'm sort of back in a lull at this point, however. I was hoping to see friends and hang out with Alicia again because she's back in town for Katie's wedding, but she's with her boyfriend (I don't blame her for this at all considering Jon was in Japan). And no one else seems to be back from Omaha yet; if they are, they haven't let me know. I want to get some more organizing done but I feel very unmotivated to do so. I feel like I don't want to do anything, which I don't think Nick wants to hear, either. What I should really do is just go to bed soon, and make sure I get enough sleep for church tomorrow, so we don't miss it again.

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel more lively.

The night when things are on my mind.

2009-06-19T22:38:00.003-05:00

I know I posted earlier about all the things I was thinking of, and how my mind was going crazy. Unfortunately, that is also happening tonight.

However, I am at least this time a bit farther than I was in that last post. There have been developments that are actually causing my brain to sort things out, one at a time.

The interview I had a few days ago turned into a job offer, only it's part-time rather than full because my interviewer was unable to decide between me and another candidate, so he's asking us if we could share the job. I won't get insurance, but I'd be making enough money (even though it's part-time) to afford health insurance on my own, as well as the 30-minute commute one-way to the job itself. I would only have to work 8-12 every day, or only three days a week from 8-4:30. Before accepting, Nick and I are going to pray about it the next few days, and I also need to ask my potential employer whether or not I would be able to ask for days off if I needed them.

The idea floating through my mind at this point is that if I accept the job, I will be under contract until May of next year. This would allow Nick and I sufficient time to find jobs in Colorado, and for me to decide whether or not grad school is for me, and what I'd study, and where I'd go. In addition, we'd be able to see our friends for longer, the ones who have graduated with me and the ones who are still in college this coming year. In May, most of our friends plan to move out of Iowa, anyway, and we are all thinking of moving to Colorado together. Nick is also thinking this is the best course for our lives right now.

If I don't accept this job, we'd have to work extra-hard to get jobs in Colorado, and save as much as we could to move soon. Though we'd like to be in Colorado because we think it's beautiful, we have little money to move, and even less to start a new life in the state's slightly more expensive economy. We're willing to risk a few hard months at first if we had jobs, but at this point we don't. So not accepting this job offer in Iowa could be potentially devastating to our careers, finances, and overall quality of life.

I may be able to go to another country to teach English, if the program that I joined/got accepted by paid for almost all our expenses. However, the only connections I have at this point are all in Asia, and Nick is very wary of the stability and safety of Asian countries. I'm trying to convince him that it probably won't be that bad, because many students and universities in Asian countries really want English speakers to come and instruct them. Also, South Korea has a strong Reformed background in certain parts, and I have two connections to universities there where some fellow college alumni are currently teaching. They say it's a great experience, and the quality and cost of life is pretty much like living in a decent apartment in the States.

At this point, Nick and I are focusing mainly on the job offer I got here in Iowa. Neither of us know we can really get anywhere or advance in our desired career fields with the jobs we have/will have, but it's a stable start that will help us pay off our loans as well as save for a move and/or grad school. I don't think we should try to ask for more than that.

The book I want to turn into a movie.

2009-06-18T23:22:00.004-05:00

So call me a sappy, emotional, swoony girl, but the very first book I would turn into a movie if I ever was able to would be Moonraker's Bride by Madeleine Brent. It is definitely not a well-known book, nor is it a popular genre (romantic suspense). However, the story is utterly original: "The stranger she married that night was gone by morning. But she could never forget she was 'Moonraker's Bride.' Set against the exotic backdrop of China and England at the turn of the century, this breathtaking novel unfolds a fascinating tale of love, intrigue, and mystery -- of a man who trusted no one and a woman who trusted too much."

Okay, so that summary from the back of my copy sounds incredibly romanticized. The story actually doesn't focus on these two characters nearly as much as the summary makes it sound. The story has a lot more to do with Lucy trying to find her place in the world, as a previous missionary child who was orphaned and running a mission in China and suddenly finds herself taken to her native England where she feels completely out-of-place. In addition, the story seems to revolve more around a riddle written years ago by two English army men in China, and the mystery it tells of a hidden treasure.

The writing is pretty darn good, definitely better than Twilight and other comparable "young adult" books that involve any hint of romance and/or mystery. For example:

"I hesitated, feeling hopelessly at a loss. 'When will you -- I mean, do you mind if I ask when you'll be back, Nick?'

'Don't ask my permission to ask me anything.'"

How cold is that writing in that one sentence? More brilliant than Bella agonizing over Jacob or Edward.

I could give some more examples of good writing in this book, but that's one that just popped out to me as I read it, for the fourth time. I think this is the fourth time I've read this book, at least. The great thing about my brain is that it tends to forget the details and sometimes even the plotlines of books I've read in the past, so I receive infinite pleasure by just re-reading books.

This book is also the predominant reason I want to visit China. It was the first view of China I'd ever read about in a novel, a good novel, and I was enthralled by the author's very realistic creation of the country's people and mentality. Madeleine Brent must have gone to China or at least lived there for part of her life. The China in Moonraker's is incredibly tangible: you can see the business of the merchant street in Chengfu, and you can feel Lucy's humbleness due to the chauvinist pride of males surrounding Lucy in the village of Tsin Kai-feng (and really in all the Chinese towns/villages mentioned).

I read about a chapter just now with a glorious bottle of Leinenkugel's Honey Weiss beer (HIGHLY recommended, by the way), and when I was done, I immediately set the book down to start blogging about it. I even feel compelled to start writing an adaptation script; I've known for a while I loved this book and wanted to turn it into a movie, but tonight I had even more vision for this goal. I don't know why; maybe someday I'll write the script and go for it.

But maybe I should stop saying "someday" and just make that today. There are many things that I've wanted to do for a while that I should really just do. And Moonraker's Bride may be the springboard to get me going on those things.

It will be a good script. Trust me.

The achings of the heart.

2009-06-17T22:37:00.003-05:00

My heart aches in a way that is fortunately not cliché. I am not hopelessly in love (in love, yes, but not hopelessly or as ridiculously as people in romantic comedies). I am not grieving. I am not yearning. I am not enraged. I am simply living.

There is so much on my plate right now that my heart literally aches from the pressure and confusion of it all. I am finding it hard to organize my thoughts and actions and obligations at this point. Here's a short list of some of the things I'm mulling over:

1. bathroom needs to be cleaned
2. floors need to be mopped
3. apartment needs to be dusted
4. tablecloth and towels need to be washed
5. purchases need to be returned to Sioux Falls
6. purchases need to be made in Sioux Falls
7. plans need to be made to do something fun with Nick tomorrow
8. people need to be contacted about our interest in moving to Colorado
9. my resume needs to be edited
10. I need to keep uploading files back onto my laptop
11. I want a good storm, for Pete's sake
12. I want to figure out what I want to do for grad school and where I'll go
13. I want a job that I enjoy at least the majority of the time
14. four papers need to be sent to the English department
15. Volkers really needs me to start transcription work, like now
16. thank-you notes need to be written for wedding gifts (I feel SO guilty about this one...)
17. Katie and Jesse's wedding and all the events surrounding it
18. recipes need to be copied onto recipe cards
19. important papers need to be organized and filed into our new file box
20. I still need to call my old co-worker Jen back

And the list continues. Who would have thought that all of this would bugged me? I know that I've handled things like this before during school, and I'm surprised I'm so annoyed by it right now and I wasn't necessarily all the time when it happened during college. And I wonder why that is.

I know for sure I have to learn to be content more, and grow closer to God. I think my spiritual side has slackened somewhat as of late, and I know how to fix it from my end, but it's always just so hard to take that one step towards God, because He knows all and that seems to scare the shit out of me.

I think I lied at the beginning of this post. Maybe my heart actually is aching in a cliché manner: I am yearning for many things.

The never-ending ant infestation.

2009-06-16T22:49:00.004-05:00

We discovered ants in our kitchen about three weeks ago. After a few days, we went to Wal-Mart and bought ant stakes. A few days after that, the ants were still not gone and I found more around our shoes/catch-all table and in the bathroom. Stakes were immediately set in those locations, as well.

Fortunately, only a few days after all this, the ants generally stopped showing up and all together disappeared. Until two days ago, that is. Suddenly, they have come back in full force if we so happen to leave anything at all on the kitchen counter or in the sink. Thank goodness they've left the bathroom alone.

We left a pan in the sink that we had rinsed off after making sloppy joes (or taverns, for you Midwest folk), but some of the sauce and meat was left on it. We didn't think it'd be a problem since ants had never ventured into our sinks before, even with similar items in them. We happened to be wrong, as we quickly discovered the next morning a trail of ants going from the window sill crack where they come through from the outside, across the kitchen counter, down the pan handle, and into the pan where they surrounded the meat and tried to drag it back along said path. In addition, I found ants crawling around an old bag of marshmallows in our pantry.

Needless to say, I was not happy. My plan of action: enlist Nick to drain all the ants in the sink and then dry the dishes as I washed every single one of them, and put an ant stake in the pantry after shoving all the food items onto the other side of the shelf. The plan of action worked, until something else (we're still not sure what) lured the ants into the sink again this morning; I again washed all the dishes and still didn't see what they were after as none of the dirty dishes had ants on them and there was no rotting food in the sink. In addition, we scrubbed down the entire kitchen counter and stove, and washed the sink as a final touch.

Fortunately, ants have not reappeared in the pantry or bathroom, and have slowly diminished around our shoe/catch-all table, too.

I don't remember being this frustrated with bugs since moving from Arizona, where for the past two years we actually had scorpions start showing up on the floors and we had to be careful where we stepped without shoes on. I was even handling the flies here decently well; my fly-swatting skills seem to have improved. I'm even getting quicker at hand-clapping fruit flies, but ants are different. Scientists and/or linguists were not joking when they named it an "army" of ants.

They were back again in the kitchen tonight, those little farts, scouting around to see if there was anything on the counter. Good luck finding anything, fellas. I've got you figured out thus far, and you will not beat me.

P.S. Alvin: We watched The Ex last night, starring Zach Braff and Jason Bateman. Satisfied?

The nothing post.

2009-06-15T21:49:00.001-05:00

Here's one of the most worthless posts I will ever make, merely for the reason that my friends and I are about to watch a movie and I still promised myself I'd post every day.

Hope you enjoyed.

The interview.

2009-06-14T22:32:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is my very first interview for the first job possibility since I graduated in May. It is for an online academy, and I am being considered for the position of high school Language Arts teacher.

Normally, I would have turned down such an offer because I am not an education major nor did I seriously want to teach for the rest of my life, but considering that I am currently unemployed and would rather do something along the lines of English rather than go to work at a menial, low-paying job that any high school graduate can do, I decided to go for it. In addition, I told myself in the past that if I ever became a teacher I would want to teach high school, alone, simply because I find that age and period in life to be not just difficult but utterly important in the shaping of one's future, and I do not want the next generation to grow up without a love of reading and writing.

I briefly scanned the academy's website to do "research" before I go to my interview, and unfortunately, I'm a little daunted. I thought I would be able to plan out my own curriculum, but the school already has every unit for every grade planned. I suppose this is fine; it is, after all, less work on my end. However, the reason I'm daunted is because of the curriculum. There's a lot to take in, subjects that cover the entire span of the English language (excepting a few important elements that I would add if I could, such as the basics of linguistics and Classical literature). There's so much to take in that I am unsure if I can handle all of that, especially the areas I never did very well in, like criticism and poetry.

If I want this job, how do I act competent in these areas that I know I'm lacking?

Even if I hope to impress my interviewer, I will still have to work very hard to stay on top of things, one step ahead of my students. I know I can do that; it'd almost be like I'm back in school again, researching and preparing for any questions or help the students may need. However, the thought as of right now is just overwhelming.

Teaching is definitely harder than most people give it credit for, especially considering the fact that if you don't have the answer to a student's question or if you can't help with a problem, you most likely feel like you're failing them. If you admit your ignorance humbly and recommend that you both look for the answer together and compile your knowledge so you can both benefit from the research, the bright students will agree with your suggestion (and may even consider you a phenomenal teacher), but the uncaring students may label you as stupid and an unworthy excuse of a teacher.

Maybe that's what I should focus on in the interview tomorrow when I don't actually know how to do something or know the answer to a question: I'll admit my ignorance humbly and acknowledge that I have some growing to do in that area, but that I am indeed willing to learn. Maybe my interviewer will, like the bright students, take my gumption as a good sign and at least consider me for the position. Maybe my interviewer won't appreciate my lack of competence in these areas that I clearly should have been prepared for in applying for such a job.

Maybe...

The impressions change.

2009-06-13T23:19:00.004-05:00

I've only been watching The Legend of Bagger Vance for about 15 minutes now, and I used to have other thoughts about Charlize Theron.

Sadly, I shouldn't have judged Charlize Theron from the singular movie I'd seen her in before this movie, which was Italian Job. I'd heard she was a good actress, but I'd also heard a lot of people don't like her, and maybe something about her being a slut was mixed in there with all the opinions. Whatever it was, I had this odd feeling about her, like she wasn't real. I thought her acting was sort of forced after watching her in Italian Job.

However, my thoughts about Charlize Theron did a quick 360 within the first 15 minutes of Vance. In fact, I am currently sitting here watching her "seduction" scene of Junuh and I am quite impressed with her facial expressions, her tone and inflection, her delivery of lines, her ability to do the Southern accent, and her presentation of a Southern Belle. I've wanted to watch Monster and Aeon Flux for a while, but now I'm rather determined to watch both.

Wow. I just imdbeed Charlize Theron and totally forgot I she was in Mighty Joe Young. I adored that movie when I was younger. Now I remember her; she wasn't bad in that movie, but it was indeed a rather Disney-esque story.

The reason I'm posting about Charlize Theron is not only because I'm watching Bagger Vance, but because my mind is again not creative at this point and time of the night to write a substantial blog post. I've come to a realization about this, though, something I've already shared with some of my friends: I'm pretty sure my "inspirational" and "flowing" writing moments only happen very late at night/early morning (such as 3 a.m.), or in the late afternoon (from 2-5 p.m.).

Unfortunately, it is currently neither of these two peak times, so I am just writing what I can before this day is over, which will be in three minutes, according to my clock. I wouldn't worry about it now except I'm forcing myself to blog every day to try to improve my writing. Maybe tomorrow, I will indeed write during one of my two peak times. Wish me luck.

The waiting period.

2009-06-12T21:27:00.008-05:00

Supposedly, I was to help my friends Trish and Sean move some stuff from their old apartment to their new one... two hours ago. I sort of feel useless right now, but at this point, I can't do anything, and it wasn't really my fault. They disappeared to the merry old land of Wal-Mart and the longer they are away the less I feel motivated to help them move, especially since it's quickly approaching 10:00 p.m. and I still have a few things left yet to do myself.

Right now I'm sitting here watching The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, giggling at Gollum/Smeagol's dialogue with himself. And not more than 10 seconds ago I squished a spider.

Yep. My life is pretty exciting.

But on the bright side, I got my laptop back today! I am indeed sitting and squishing spiders in the comfort of my own technology.

I suppose I could post a longer blog later tonight, but as of right now, I have no creative inspiration to write anything humorous or philosophical. So stay tuned...

The decisions we make.

2009-06-11T23:01:00.002-05:00

Today seemed to present a lot of things to think about. The first, and least important, of these things was how to create and put together rehearsal dinner invitations for my dear friends' wedding. Katie gave us all her scrapbooking items to use, and said we did not need to have a specific format to any of the invites, and that we could create unique, random invites at our own whim, as long as they provided all the information needed to guests and were, um... decent. (If you receive the rehearsal dinner invite with the lift-up wedding dress skirt, know it was not me.)

As a relatively artistic and creative person, I happen to put a lot of thought into whatever creative endeavours are put before me. If there are lots of options for creativity, I tend to think of many ideas all at once and must literally write things down in order of how I thought of them if I do not want to forget what I thought of in the first place. In this case, I simply grabbed whatever scrapbook item inspired me to create something and put those items in order of inspiration. Sometimes this created havoc as other people needed the stickers I'd placed on my space of the floor, or someone else was using the silver pen I needed to finish my next-in-line invite. However, I did not have to agonize too much as all of us working on creating invitations are good friends and happen to be very polite. In addition, I did not have to put too much thought into my creations: I simply had to decide what type of invitation I wanted to make next (should I make a cute one? A simple one? An elegant one? A witty one?).

Those minor decisions behind me, I was next faced with the issue of weddings themselves. I tend to look only at the things that I would have changed in my wedding, rather than focus on the fact that I even had a beautiful wedding and am now married (my patient husband often reminds me of this fact with a slight hint of agitation in his voice). Once Katie and Jesse are married, I would not have to "worry" about what I would have done differently at my wedding except for the fact that our other good friend is now also engaged and is starting to plan her wedding.

I have come to realize I adore wedding planning. I had a blast with it up until two months before my wedding, at which point I was apart from Nick and all my friends and simply wanted my wedding day to come so I could see everyone again. I realize that I could become a wedding planner quite easily if the market called for it in the area I'm living in, and if I worked hard to familiarize myself with the industry of weddings and wedding planning themselves. Though I do believe it's sad that weddings are no longer ceremonies of lifetime promises but rather a show of who has enough money to afford the newest, trendiest, and "best" wedding on the market, I have also come to realize that this very materialistic and selfish view of weddings has rubbed off on me for whatever reason; I tend to "size up" my wedding to everyone else's, which is absolutely debasing to my own special day as well as to other's. So another decision I had to make tonight was not to allow myself to analyze my friend's ring, or her colors, or her table setting choices. It was hard, but I eventually remember that I am indeed married, and that is, after all, the entire point of a wedding.

Finally, I was reminded of my future, and how many decisions are on my doorstep. I have a job interview on Monday for a teaching position here in Iowa, I have some connections in Colorado Springs that may turn out to be some good leads, I want to go to graduate school, and I also am interested in going overseas to teach English. All sound appealing, but none sound final. A few weeks ago, I had no job opportunities at all and suddenly I am now presented with at least three different possibilities. Now I have to figure out what I want.

What do I want? What do I put my heart and soul into? I do not want to leave my friends in Iowa just yet; Nick and I had tentatively planned on staying here another year partly because of our friends and partly because of our cheap living situation, both cons that we would not find in many other parts of the States or world. So this tells me I must throw my effort towards impressing my interviewer on Monday so I get that job and we stay here for a bit yet. But Nick and I adore Colorado Springs and the beauty of that location, so do I actually search actively for a good job there and, upon receiving one, move? We would be closer to both our families, but we'd be away from friends. And what about grad school? I love learning so much that I want to go to grad school, but for what... I'm not sure yet. I don't really know what I want to study more in-depth, or what the rest of my life should look like career-wise. And what about teaching in another country? A phenomenal experience that can never be replicated, but where? Nick tends to distrust the safety of all Asian countries, but those are the only places I could get a job for sure.

I didn't think I'd have so many decisions to think about and make tonight, and on such a wide scale of importance, starting with the relatively minor task of creating rehearsal dinner invitations and ending with the daunting issue of my future. I suppose this is what comes of being an adult, or a human, for that matter. Fortunately, I found that in this entire decision-oriented night that I had three things to think about, and I was always taught in my Rhetoric class in high school that in order to have a solid argument or apology, you need to have three fully-developed points. Anything less is detrimental to your position, anything more is usually extravagent and unnecessary. So I take comfort in the fact that I had exactly three decisions to think about. Maybe that means I'm still solid.

The 1 a.m. walk.

2009-06-10T01:55:00.001-05:00

If I can actively remember to follow my own decision, I've decided to start all the titles of future blog posts with the word "the," just because it sounds uniform and is vaguely reminiscent of the nomenclature of TV episodes (i.e. Friends' episodes were always in the form of "The One..." and Scrubs' episodes, per J.D.'s voice-overs and monologues, always start with "My...").

Now onto this blog's topic: the 1 a.m. walk. That's right; Nick and I went on a walk at 1 a.m., and it was utterly refreshing. We can usually talk just fine in our apartment, at the dinner table, around friends, et cetera, but it's only in a few rare locations and situations that we talk fluently and naturally with each other. We've decided that walks are one of these situations.

On this particular walk, we realized that we both want to move to Colorado Springs, CO. So then we realized that the best step to acheiving that goal is for me to get a job. Fortunately, I have an interview set up with Alpha Omega on Monday, and though I'm highly nervous, I'm also anticipating the interview like none other now that I have an actual life goal in mind.

The walk was also quite liberating due to the fact that we saw no other living soul except for one person driving a car, and that car was also the only car we saw running and on the road. We started out from our apartment walking down the middle of the road, which I had to admit to Nick I'd never done before because you can't really do such things in Phoenix very long or you'll get killed. Seeing no one else, and walking down the middle of the road without fear of being hit, made me feel in control for some reason. I thought to myself, "I own this city." I felt like Nick and I were the only two people who existed on planet Earth for those brief 30 minutes. And we could do anything we wanted, because damn it, we ruled not just the town, but the entire world.

I know this mindset of ridiculously empowered and completely unswervable young adult-ism will not last forever. But that's okay. It allowed Nick and I to finally smell that one tree growing outside of West Hall dorms, because it was 1 a.m. and the wind wasn't blowing. It allowed Nick and I to walk hand-in-hand down the middle of the road, because it was 1 a.m. and there was only one car on the road our entire walk. It allowed Nick and I to share our dreams with each other, because it was 1 a.m. and no one but God could hear us and smile.

The history of this blog's title.

2009-06-09T01:54:00.000-05:00

Welcome, one and all, first-time readers and returning admirers. For some reason or another, you've stumbled upon the blog of Bree Brouwer, a blog that used to be titled "Princess Bree." Obviously, my title has changed for the better.

Why? One: my junior high/high school nickname was Princess, and that's just ridiculously in the past at this point. Two: I'm married now, and several of my friends have pointed out that I'm technically a queen rather than a princes ("Queen Bree" was been recommended to me as a possible blog title, which I have to admit I seriously considered for a while...). Three: I've changed; I am no longer the exact same person I was when Princess Bree was all the rage.

This all crossed my mind not five months after I had created my Princess Bree blogs at blogger.com and wordpress.com. And after I had already posted a few blogs here and there over those five months. Go figure.

So what to do, my mind wondered. I wanted a new blog, something that encompassed every aspect of my life and described my entire being. That was the one thing I was certain of. However, I was not certain of a title. "Princess Bree" was certainly not a creative title, but it had suited my purpose at the time of its use. I needed something for now, to suit my purpose at this time in my life and hopefully for the next several years of my life, so I wouldn't have to go through this re-thinking and re-blogging process all over again.

Next came a lengthy, intense analysis of several blog title ideas and a final evaluation of a few favorites. And by lengthy I mean about an hour or two's worth of sitting on a couch in the coffee house with my laptop on my knees, picking apart every single title option and narrowing down why it would or would not work because of its possible connotations, denotations, and eventually inevitable descriptions of myself. Oh, the joy (or curse) of being an English major.

Suddenly, I remembered something my boss had once told me a few summers ago, when I was a secretary and receptionist at a reading clinic in Arizona. I had just finished several projects she'd given me, and apparently that impressed her, as she mentioned that I was "just a little Girl Friday" getting all this work done. (If you don't know what a Girl Friday is, you should look up a definition now, or the rest of this may not make much sense.) After this memory, I then realized my favorite character off the TV show Smallville, Chloe Sullivan, was often referred to by fans as a Girl Friday, as well, and a few fan websites of Miss Sullivan (or of the actress who plays her, Allison Mack) were even titled "Girl Friday." Chloe Sullivan kicks ass, and she is a reporter just like I am/was, and she has awesome short hair I tend to copy, and my husband thought she was the hottest woman on that show, and when my husband met me he thought, "She is as kick-ass as Chloe, and she even looks like her!"

Well, that finalized it. I just had to have my blog title be Girl Friday, or something of that nature.

So I try signing up on blogger.com as "girlfriday." I should've known it was oh-so-generic that of course someone had taken it already. I searched for a definition of "girl friday" through Google, to see if any of the results would lead me to a more creative version of the idiom. Thank goodness for Wikipedia; whatever would we do without it? That continually questioned source of information for scholarly papers and academic work pulled through in this situation, which was thankfully neither scholarly nor academic. The site explained that some people in this day and age tend to see the idiom "Girl Friday" as sexually demeaning, and so they have changed it to "Woman Friday" (although "Girl Friday" is still apparently an accepted idiom in Britain).

I'm not a raging feminist, but I could see these protestors' point. And I realized that I am indeed no longer a girl; I have in many aspects matured to a point far beyond girl-hood. I don't mind being called a girl on occasion, in a group of friends, or as an affectionate term from loved ones, but in reality, I have become a woman. I have become a woman who loves her husband, who leads, who volunteers, who does the job, who helps others, who does so much that sometimes she stresses out so terribly that it's probably cut a year or two off her life expectancy.

"Woman Friday" sounded wonderful to me. It described me. It was me. My friend Jess sitting next to me on the couch in the coffee shop happened to agree. I suppose that was the added and final blessing on my decision.

Blogger.com had the name "womanfriday" available, so I signed up with it, and here I am. I do not know if I will import my few posts from my old blog, and I'm not necessarily sure I want to. I am trying to start over, trying to write more and develop myself as an observer and producer of language. I'm usually pretty humble, and this first post may be a bit ridiculous, but I do believe that I am off to a good start with my goal.