Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Emotions. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The "We seem to be made to suffer; it's our lot in life" post.

Such an incredibly optimistic title, that. Just be happy I still adore Star Wars enough to quote it; at least that movie has never failed me.

A lot has happened since my last post about possibly doing handmade crafts for etsy.com. And it all relates to Monday.

Nick had surgery this past Monday on a hernia that acted up after he lifted meat crates at work the previous week. He was unable to lift anything substantial all week before his surgery, and he always ended up being uncomfortable from pain by the end of any of his shifts.

He scheduled a time to have surgery, which his employer so politely told him he couldn't have that day because they wanted him to work this week. He basically told them that he needed the surgery and they would have to deal with him not working for a few days, but he allowed them to schedule him for this Friday and Saturday, for short shifts.

Monday we arrived at the hospital bright and early for prep and the surgery. I had taken thte day off, figuring I would just go in on Friday to make up for my lost time (I don't usually work Fridays). The surgery didn't take long; I barely had time to return some items bought at a store the day before, run home, and come back to the hospital to e-mail my co-workers when I was called to meet the surgeon.

Everything went well, apparently, and though Nick was in a lot of pain, we were glad things went smoothly. The nurses told us we would probably be home by 3 or 4 p.m. that day, if Nick was feeling strong and sound enough to stand up, use the restroom, and get into a wheelchair out to the car.

Three or 4 p.m. was a severe underestimation of Nick's recovery abilities.

We were at the hospital until 9:30 p.m., because Nick could not stand for the longest time without feeling like he was going to vomit and/or pass out. It was such a relief to get him home and in our own comfort zone. I decided to take Tuesday off, as well, because he would not be able to stand or shower without me there. I was fortunately able to work from home for what equated to a half day, grading papers from my online students. As the day progressed, Nick felt better and better, and was able to sit up and move around.

Today I went to work as usual. Nick seemed to be doing fine home alone the first few times I called him. Then he told me his pain was getting worse, and that it felt like a nerve was pinching. He couldn't stand up without fainting again. He got a hold of one of the nurses, who told him that his symptoms were unnatural complications, and he should come to the ER immediately to be examined. Fortunately, my dear friends Katie and Trish were able to bring him to the hospital and stay with him for the hour I was not able to be there because I was at work.

The ER visit revealed that Nick's surgery wound was healing, but that the area was inflamed, probably due to all his activity and movement on Tuesday when he felt better. The inflammation was indeed pinching a nerve and causing him a great deal of pain. The nurses gave him some anti-inflammatory medications, and he felt better. I took him home after receiving a new prescription for anti-inflammatory meds, as well as a doctor's note telling Nick's employer that he is not allowed to work this weekend. At all.

I dropped the note off at his work, and his boss, who probably saw me, did not stop to talk to me about it, and instead proceeded to call my husband at home, telling him that if he did not work this weekend, he could not have the next weekend off, as was previously scheduled and supposedly decided upon.

Nick asked off for the 6th and 7th of November quite a while ago. He had to fight for those days off, because they are a Friday and Saturday, and apparently his employer will die if someone wants those two days off. But Nick fought it, reminding them he would be around all Thanksgiving and Christmas to work, and that he had not asked off a full weekend in several months.

Yet now they are going back on their (excuse me) fucking word, for the mere reason that "they NEED him" one of these next two weekends, even though the doctor said no work and even though he had previously received permission to have the 6th and 7th off.

The 6th and 7th wouldn't be so important to me/us if it wasn't going to be our one vacation for quite some time. It was going to be our one-year anniversary getaway, because we aren't able to afford tickets to see either of our families, and we wouldn't be able to go anywhere anyway because Nick's employer won't let him off for Thanksgiving and Christmas without yet another fight.

Oh, yeah, they need him THAT MUCH.

This trip is very important to me, probably more so than it is to Nick. He insists that at this point, job retention and stability is more important. Is it really? Since when do jobs come before setting time aside for your wife, especially for an anniversary, which, by the way, was over three months ago and he had to work on our actual anniversary date, too?

I see his point, but I also don't agree with the way his employer is basically slave-driving their workers because they can, because the economy is so bad Nick doesn't dare mouth off to them and risk losing his job.

Once Nick works out a weekend he can have off with his employer or if he gets this job at my work (PLEASE PRAY HE DOES!), his employer is going to receive a VERY strong-worded letter from me.

The inclusion of expletives is being considered.
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Sunday, September 6, 2009

The aching of my heart.

I haven't written in a while. Sadly, it seems like that's what I always say when I start a new post.

Sometimes I wish I was one of those really good writers. You know, the kind who were bi-polar or depressed all the time, because despite their very serious ailments, they wrote some of the most beautiful fiction and non-fiction of all time. Sometimes I realize I could very easily turn into one of these types of writers, and that both deeply satisfies and terrifies me.

When I get upset or angry or depressed, I seem to be attacked by whatever emotion is currently in my system, and then it threatens to take over. Sometimes it does for a little bit. It is one of these moments that currently controls me. At times like this, where I am upset or angry or depressed or all three, I am always about ready to break down into tears, or just head for my laptop and type out something in a blog, just to get the thoughts out of my head.

All these emotions penetrating my mind are what convince me that I'll be a well-respected writer someday. They drive my writing the majority of the time, when I have so much to say that I must get it down on paper or on screen. My mood swings often dictate when or how much I write. And I know, as a writer, re-writing and editing is downright crucial to successful writing, but when emotions are running amuck, no one can deny that you might as well get what you're feeling onto paper before you try to fix it. Then you will feel better and, if you're a good writer, you'll motivate yourself to go back to those crazy ink jots and make them sound at least partially sane and readable.

On the other hand, having such intense mood swings and emotions is dangerous, and I often wonder if this is how the most famous masters of literature started out before spiraling into the abyss of mental disorder. Thoughts like this often make me halt whatever emotions I'm feeling so that I don't go any farther. So I guess as worried as I am about going crazy someday, I have an innate defense already in place against letting myself go too far. Hopefully, this barrier remains in place for the rest of my life.

If it doesn't, I may just end up being the best damn writer of our time. We'll all just have to wait and see.
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