The one to rant about Christian music.

Christian music is, in general, devoid of any merit.

Maybe I should specify that I am talking about mainstream Christian music.  I'm talking about your average bunch of average musicians you find at an average Christian merchandise store.  These are the people we are supposedly touting as our best and most popular.  How sad is it when our "best" simply repeat "I love you, God" three times over?

I do exaggerate, and I realize this.  However, it is nearly impossible not to when I have to listen to the Christian music station when driving to work with some of my co-workers.  Thirty minutes in to work, thirty minutes back.  One hour of "Christian" music that does not seem to change key, pitch, lyrics, style, or quality.

When God created the world, He created diversity in plant and animal life.  When God punished the people at the Tower of Babel, He in essence also blessed humanity with a variety of languages.  At the throne of God in heaven, there will be men and women from all races.  Why, then, do Christian musicians feel that they cannot be versatile in their musical creations?

This, to me, is utter blasphemy against the God these musicians claim to celebrate.  They want to celebrate Him, but they don't seem to want to give any recognition to the fact that they were created in God's image and as such should be more creative than they are being.  The ultimate Creator wants us to strive to be more like Him every day; this includes being creative in the arts and very obviously does not exclude it.  Therefore, it seems like mockery, a laugh in God's face (or a direct disobedience to His wishes) that we should be anything but the best and most creative in the world.  If we are to redeem the world and make disciples of all nations, I find it highly unlikely we will do so with such monotony.

People usually notice innovative, unique artists far more than they will an artist who sounds just like that other artist.  Case in point: Lady Gaga.  No, she is not a moral role model we want to follow, but she did emerge on the music scene with her undoubtedly unusual antics and creativity.  It seems pathetic that a Christian did not beat her to it.

Or maybe they have and we just don't want to support those singers or bands because they are not officially "labeled" or "signed" as Christian artists.  U2 has been around for decades and still makes award-winning, globally popular music which is also truthful and godly in message, but heaven forbid we suggest them to our fellow believers because they are not signed with a Christian record company (and Bono says he's a Catholic, so we can't really be sure he's a Christian, anyway).  Thrice is a slightly better option as the lead singer confesses to being a Christian and purposefully writes spiritually positive lyrics, but then again, the band's music is harder rock and sometimes they scream instead of sing... and we're just not comfortable with that, either.  We may feel more comfortable recommending Switchfoot, who has broken the barrier between Christian and secular music successfully, but then again, they did sort of sell out... and we're not sure we're comfortable with recommending them, either (even though their music consistently shows creativity and biblical truths beyond the majority of Christian and secular artists).

We need more bands like U2, Thrice, and Switchfoot, in my opinion.  And until we do, I will refuse to drown my ears in the sea of Christian music.  I'd rather God see me singing "We are the image of the invisible... Though all the world may hate us, we are named" one time than "I love you, God" three times over.

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The one where I'm back...

So I'm back. For how long, that's yet to be determined (as usual, right?).

There's a lot of new events going on in my life. Nick and I got a loan for the repairs for our basement, which has yet to be fixed. We are debating adopting our friend's cat when he leaves. I have been unofficially diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). My dear friend Abby Hayes and I are going to start a natural/healthy beauty and makeup website. This past weekend was the 5th annual Prairie Grass 48-Hour Film Challenge, in which I participated for a fourth year. I'm trying to write more. Nick and I are looking into moving to Colorado in two years. The job is not what I want to do but it pays well and is treating me much better than last year, so I actually don't dread going to work anymore.

And this is where God is teaching me patience. I really don't like Iowa; in fact, the honest way I'd describe living here is that I despise it overall. Besides my friends and the prices, this state holds nothing for my future (no, not everyone wants to raise their kids here). However, I have been so discontent and antsy the last year and a half that I finally realized that God is probably trying to tell me something. I've only been really paying attention for the last two months or so, but I am getting an inkling that God wants me to be patient. He basically said, "Who needs kids? There's Iowa for Miss Bree."

And that's where I'm at. If I happen to be interpreting things incorrectly, at least I'm still looking for patience and contentment.

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The choice of Facebook friends.

No, this is not going to be about who you do and do not add to your "friends" list on Facebook. This post is going to present in very short detail the topics that some of my friends and family on Facebook suggested I write about in my next blog. Ready for some completely unrelated topics? Here we go.

Suggestion #1 from Sarah: My experience at Oxford!
Unfortunately, this would take far too long to even fit into one blog post. That's why Sarah has been writing many blog posts about her Oxford experience; you should know better, Sarah. Shame on you.
But seriously, I do hope to someday compile my thoughts on and experiences in Oxford into a memoir-type essay/book. I kept a diary for the majority of the time I was there, and what I didn't write down can be replaced by memories from pictures and all the contact I still have with friends I made while there. Cheers to Oxford.

Suggestion #2 from Alvin: Whether God can help but reveal himself... or herself.
I think this would need a lot more clarification in order for me to write about it. I have several questions running around in my head right now. For example, what do you mean by "reveal?" Is this supposed to be some joke about God exposing himself, or is it actually a serious proposal in regards to how God's presence can be seen in even the smallest of things?
Maybe it's a joke, because I don't buy the "herself" part.

Suggestion #3 from Morgan: SHOES =)
Ah, now if I started to write about shoes, I don't think many people would enjoy it as I neither wax philosophical about them nor do I claim to be a fashion expert whose advice should be heeded. I do, however, adore shoes to the level that only fellow shoe-lovers would understand. I think the word "shoe-gasm" says it all.

Suggestion #4 from Jesse: Write me a short script featuring romance and violence and a philosophical theme within a rural farm-town setting.
Hmm. Now this may have some potential, seeing as how if I won't wax philosophical about shoes I may be able to do so in a script about romance and violence and a rural farm town... except for the fact that this idea would definitely take longer than one blog post. However, it sounds an awful lot like my life already, minus the violence, of course, so that's probably even more incentive to write it... eventually. :)

Suggestion #5 from Mike: Write a romance novel about people living like pirates in an underground cove, but its Truman Show style, so they're constantly being watched. Also, they're robots. And they're in Disney World.
But they're in LOVE, damn it!
I think you pretty much gave me the perfect way to end this blog, Mike.

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The church home dilemma.

What do you look for in a church? Do you aim only for doctrine, or do you also pay attention to the sincerity and passion in the music and singing, the genuine fellowship before and after the service, the care and compassion that Christians are supposed to show even outside of Sundays?

These questions keep coming to my mind as I get more and more frustrated with Nick and my church here in Sioux Center. The URC always seems to have doctrine very indicative of the Bible's true teachings, but it lacks in so many other areas. Here, for instance, the people do not seem to sing with their hearts. Every song sounds forced, even pained at times. And I know this is not true with every URC, but it is for this town. In addition, this town's URC seems friendly enough when I look around after a service, but hardly any of the families talk to us (by "families" I mean anyone married and with children or people we didn't know previously from Dordt). This limits our fellowship to only a few college kids in the church, which to me seems sad as Christians should be able to commune, fellowship, and worship together no matter what our ages or stages in life.

What ticked me off the most about our "church" recently was the fact that I mentioned Nick's surgery twice to one of our elders, and he did not once ask about it or how Nick was doing. Not once.

I do our church's newsletter layout. I asked the elder on Friday afternoon if I could postpone doing the newsletter to the next week (I admit that was a last minute request as the newsletter is usually completed and sent to this elder by Saturday morning). I had no idea Nick's surgery (including the unexpected ER visit) would take such a toll on my mental and physical state of mind. The elder said he'd prefer I don't postpone the newsletter release because there were schedules in there that people needed, but if I had to postpone, I could. I felt guilty, as I always do when I make a promise to someone and want to/have to cancel. So I did it.

I was up until 1:30 a.m. Friday night to get the newsletter done, and one of the pages turned out cut off, so part of the text couldn't be read. The elder called me about it. I fixed it. And he still didn't ask about Nick's surgery or how he was doing. This does not give me any confidence in our church's supposed leadership over its flock.

This is almost the last straw I have had with this church. Is my temper too short? Am I being too unforgiving? Am I being sinful and selfish in this way of thinking? I don't know. I only know that the preaching and doctrine is good, and everything else is seems like shit. What kind of church doesn't give at least some kind of visible effort to its singing, and what kind of congregation rarely talks to any of its younger members, and what kind of church council doesn't ask about one of its member's surgery and recovery?

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The early morning.

Sometimes I find it very sad that I going to bed by 10:30 or 11 on Friday nights and getting up at 8 a.m. or 9 a.m. This used to be a non-existent pattern in my life, as in it never happened. However, college is over and adult life has set in. I now consider 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. regular times to get up, but the idea that they are "early morning" is still drilled into my head.

So as of right now, I have been awake for almost 40 minutes, and I am sitting here enjoying the fresh, full, "awake" feeling of a full breath of air being sucked into my expanding lungs. My bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats was delicious, and I am contentedly sipping a cup of vanilla chai while I debate my first cleaning chore I shall tackle after I shower. Or maybe vice versa, depending on how dirty the chore is.

The day is starting out well. It's on mornings like this that I wish I had the dedication to grab my Bible and read. One of my weakest areas is devotions. I like to think that if I go sit outside and look at the morning nature that is a type of devotion in itself. However, I know that when I stick to that credo I am fooling myself. Even non-Christians can do that, whether they know it or not.

Day's like this make me feel energized and eager to work hard for 4 or 5 hours so I can relax the rest of the day. I know this is something I should thank God for, and should first meditate on His word before doing. I just can never seem to pull myself to do it.

Nick and I both know we are lagging with devotions. We were never brought up with that mindset, that devotions are something you do personally, every day, consistently. Even if we were told this, it doesn't seem like either of our sets of parents practiced it on a regular basis themselves. Like parents, like children.

And so when I sit next to my finished bowl of Frosted Mini Wheats and sip from my vanilla chai, I know I am blessed. I am very blessed to have a warm home amidst the crisp, just-arriving fall air of a September morning. I am blessed to have pajamas on covered by a teal fleece jacket my mom bought for me in London. I am also very blessed to be enjoying this food.

However, I also know that I should be blessed to own a Bible, yet I never seem to touch it. I think, despite all my past attempts at keeping a consistent devotional life, that all those little blessings I just mentioned help to keep me on the right track. At least I recognize them as gifts from God, and I am grateful for them. I have actually been more grateful and content (after some struggling here and there) this past year than I possibly have ever been before. And that gives me hope that God is still holding me in His hand.

Maybe this empty bowl and cup of vanilla chai, my pajamas and my jacket, and my comfy apartment with a waiting shower will be the impetus for at least starting devotions again, every day in the early morning.

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The achings of the heart.

My heart aches in a way that is fortunately not cliché. I am not hopelessly in love (in love, yes, but not hopelessly or as ridiculously as people in romantic comedies). I am not grieving. I am not yearning. I am not enraged. I am simply living.

There is so much on my plate right now that my heart literally aches from the pressure and confusion of it all. I am finding it hard to organize my thoughts and actions and obligations at this point. Here's a short list of some of the things I'm mulling over:

1. bathroom needs to be cleaned
2. floors need to be mopped
3. apartment needs to be dusted
4. tablecloth and towels need to be washed
5. purchases need to be returned to Sioux Falls
6. purchases need to be made in Sioux Falls
7. plans need to be made to do something fun with Nick tomorrow
8. people need to be contacted about our interest in moving to Colorado
9. my resume needs to be edited
10. I need to keep uploading files back onto my laptop
11. I want a good storm, for Pete's sake
12. I want to figure out what I want to do for grad school and where I'll go
13. I want a job that I enjoy at least the majority of the time
14. four papers need to be sent to the English department
15. Volkers really needs me to start transcription work, like now
16. thank-you notes need to be written for wedding gifts (I feel SO guilty about this one...)
17. Katie and Jesse's wedding and all the events surrounding it
18. recipes need to be copied onto recipe cards
19. important papers need to be organized and filed into our new file box
20. I still need to call my old co-worker Jen back

And the list continues. Who would have thought that all of this would bugged me? I know that I've handled things like this before during school, and I'm surprised I'm so annoyed by it right now and I wasn't necessarily all the time when it happened during college. And I wonder why that is.

I know for sure I have to learn to be content more, and grow closer to God. I think my spiritual side has slackened somewhat as of late, and I know how to fix it from my end, but it's always just so hard to take that one step towards God, because He knows all and that seems to scare the shit out of me.

I think I lied at the beginning of this post. Maybe my heart actually is aching in a cliché manner: I am yearning for many things.

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