Thursday, June 11, 2009

The decisions we make.

Today seemed to present a lot of things to think about. The first, and least important, of these things was how to create and put together rehearsal dinner invitations for my dear friends' wedding. Katie gave us all her scrapbooking items to use, and said we did not need to have a specific format to any of the invites, and that we could create unique, random invites at our own whim, as long as they provided all the information needed to guests and were, um... decent. (If you receive the rehearsal dinner invite with the lift-up wedding dress skirt, know it was not me.)

As a relatively artistic and creative person, I happen to put a lot of thought into whatever creative endeavours are put before me. If there are lots of options for creativity, I tend to think of many ideas all at once and must literally write things down in order of how I thought of them if I do not want to forget what I thought of in the first place. In this case, I simply grabbed whatever scrapbook item inspired me to create something and put those items in order of inspiration. Sometimes this created havoc as other people needed the stickers I'd placed on my space of the floor, or someone else was using the silver pen I needed to finish my next-in-line invite. However, I did not have to agonize too much as all of us working on creating invitations are good friends and happen to be very polite. In addition, I did not have to put too much thought into my creations: I simply had to decide what type of invitation I wanted to make next (should I make a cute one? A simple one? An elegant one? A witty one?).

Those minor decisions behind me, I was next faced with the issue of weddings themselves. I tend to look only at the things that I would have changed in my wedding, rather than focus on the fact that I even had a beautiful wedding and am now married (my patient husband often reminds me of this fact with a slight hint of agitation in his voice). Once Katie and Jesse are married, I would not have to "worry" about what I would have done differently at my wedding except for the fact that our other good friend is now also engaged and is starting to plan her wedding.

I have come to realize I adore wedding planning. I had a blast with it up until two months before my wedding, at which point I was apart from Nick and all my friends and simply wanted my wedding day to come so I could see everyone again. I realize that I could become a wedding planner quite easily if the market called for it in the area I'm living in, and if I worked hard to familiarize myself with the industry of weddings and wedding planning themselves. Though I do believe it's sad that weddings are no longer ceremonies of lifetime promises but rather a show of who has enough money to afford the newest, trendiest, and "best" wedding on the market, I have also come to realize that this very materialistic and selfish view of weddings has rubbed off on me for whatever reason; I tend to "size up" my wedding to everyone else's, which is absolutely debasing to my own special day as well as to other's. So another decision I had to make tonight was not to allow myself to analyze my friend's ring, or her colors, or her table setting choices. It was hard, but I eventually remember that I am indeed married, and that is, after all, the entire point of a wedding.

Finally, I was reminded of my future, and how many decisions are on my doorstep. I have a job interview on Monday for a teaching position here in Iowa, I have some connections in Colorado Springs that may turn out to be some good leads, I want to go to graduate school, and I also am interested in going overseas to teach English. All sound appealing, but none sound final. A few weeks ago, I had no job opportunities at all and suddenly I am now presented with at least three different possibilities. Now I have to figure out what I want.

What do I want? What do I put my heart and soul into? I do not want to leave my friends in Iowa just yet; Nick and I had tentatively planned on staying here another year partly because of our friends and partly because of our cheap living situation, both cons that we would not find in many other parts of the States or world. So this tells me I must throw my effort towards impressing my interviewer on Monday so I get that job and we stay here for a bit yet. But Nick and I adore Colorado Springs and the beauty of that location, so do I actually search actively for a good job there and, upon receiving one, move? We would be closer to both our families, but we'd be away from friends. And what about grad school? I love learning so much that I want to go to grad school, but for what... I'm not sure yet. I don't really know what I want to study more in-depth, or what the rest of my life should look like career-wise. And what about teaching in another country? A phenomenal experience that can never be replicated, but where? Nick tends to distrust the safety of all Asian countries, but those are the only places I could get a job for sure.

I didn't think I'd have so many decisions to think about and make tonight, and on such a wide scale of importance, starting with the relatively minor task of creating rehearsal dinner invitations and ending with the daunting issue of my future. I suppose this is what comes of being an adult, or a human, for that matter. Fortunately, I found that in this entire decision-oriented night that I had three things to think about, and I was always taught in my Rhetoric class in high school that in order to have a solid argument or apology, you need to have three fully-developed points. Anything less is detrimental to your position, anything more is usually extravagent and unnecessary. So I take comfort in the fact that I had exactly three decisions to think about. Maybe that means I'm still solid.


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