The time I wrote after nearly two months.

It's been almost two months since I wrote. These have been an exciting two months.

Nick and I stayed home for Christmas and celebrated the day with Katie and Jesse, champagne, Scrabble, Settlers of Catan, and a sexy, ridiculous, B (maybe C?) grade movie called Bandidas starring Penélope Cruz and Salma Hayek. Those combined into a very unique Christmas day.

Nick and I finalized the purchase of our very first home on December 31. We had a lot to celebrate that night as we looked to the new year. We were moved in completely by the end of the second week of January. There will be pictures to come. :)

Nick also finished up his job at Fareway and started working full-time only at Alpha Omega as a technician in the technical support department. He realizes what a fantastic opportunity this is for him to advance in the computer and customer service fields. Plus, I'm not going to lie, it's nice to see hubby on breaks and during lunch.

I have successfully kept alive two plants, one normal ivy plant that when flourishing grows so rapidly I've come to call it Rapunzel for the sheer length of the vines that hang out of the pot, and one neanthebella palm named Plant in honor of Wall-E. My friend Trish also bestowed on me a bamboo owned by our dear friend Jess, who couldn't take Angelica (the bamboo) back with her to Canada. In addition, at our housewarming party at the end of January, I inherited yet another ivy plant that I plan to name if I can keep it alive, as it is already withering even with being fed plant food once a week and water every other day.

It's the small things in life that need to make me happy.

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The church home dilemma.

What do you look for in a church? Do you aim only for doctrine, or do you also pay attention to the sincerity and passion in the music and singing, the genuine fellowship before and after the service, the care and compassion that Christians are supposed to show even outside of Sundays?

These questions keep coming to my mind as I get more and more frustrated with Nick and my church here in Sioux Center. The URC always seems to have doctrine very indicative of the Bible's true teachings, but it lacks in so many other areas. Here, for instance, the people do not seem to sing with their hearts. Every song sounds forced, even pained at times. And I know this is not true with every URC, but it is for this town. In addition, this town's URC seems friendly enough when I look around after a service, but hardly any of the families talk to us (by "families" I mean anyone married and with children or people we didn't know previously from Dordt). This limits our fellowship to only a few college kids in the church, which to me seems sad as Christians should be able to commune, fellowship, and worship together no matter what our ages or stages in life.

What ticked me off the most about our "church" recently was the fact that I mentioned Nick's surgery twice to one of our elders, and he did not once ask about it or how Nick was doing. Not once.

I do our church's newsletter layout. I asked the elder on Friday afternoon if I could postpone doing the newsletter to the next week (I admit that was a last minute request as the newsletter is usually completed and sent to this elder by Saturday morning). I had no idea Nick's surgery (including the unexpected ER visit) would take such a toll on my mental and physical state of mind. The elder said he'd prefer I don't postpone the newsletter release because there were schedules in there that people needed, but if I had to postpone, I could. I felt guilty, as I always do when I make a promise to someone and want to/have to cancel. So I did it.

I was up until 1:30 a.m. Friday night to get the newsletter done, and one of the pages turned out cut off, so part of the text couldn't be read. The elder called me about it. I fixed it. And he still didn't ask about Nick's surgery or how he was doing. This does not give me any confidence in our church's supposed leadership over its flock.

This is almost the last straw I have had with this church. Is my temper too short? Am I being too unforgiving? Am I being sinful and selfish in this way of thinking? I don't know. I only know that the preaching and doctrine is good, and everything else is seems like shit. What kind of church doesn't give at least some kind of visible effort to its singing, and what kind of congregation rarely talks to any of its younger members, and what kind of church council doesn't ask about one of its member's surgery and recovery?

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The "We seem to be made to suffer; it's our lot in life" post.

Such an incredibly optimistic title, that. Just be happy I still adore Star Wars enough to quote it; at least that movie has never failed me.

A lot has happened since my last post about possibly doing handmade crafts for etsy.com. And it all relates to Monday.

Nick had surgery this past Monday on a hernia that acted up after he lifted meat crates at work the previous week. He was unable to lift anything substantial all week before his surgery, and he always ended up being uncomfortable from pain by the end of any of his shifts.

He scheduled a time to have surgery, which his employer so politely told him he couldn't have that day because they wanted him to work this week. He basically told them that he needed the surgery and they would have to deal with him not working for a few days, but he allowed them to schedule him for this Friday and Saturday, for short shifts.

Monday we arrived at the hospital bright and early for prep and the surgery. I had taken thte day off, figuring I would just go in on Friday to make up for my lost time (I don't usually work Fridays). The surgery didn't take long; I barely had time to return some items bought at a store the day before, run home, and come back to the hospital to e-mail my co-workers when I was called to meet the surgeon.

Everything went well, apparently, and though Nick was in a lot of pain, we were glad things went smoothly. The nurses told us we would probably be home by 3 or 4 p.m. that day, if Nick was feeling strong and sound enough to stand up, use the restroom, and get into a wheelchair out to the car.

Three or 4 p.m. was a severe underestimation of Nick's recovery abilities.

We were at the hospital until 9:30 p.m., because Nick could not stand for the longest time without feeling like he was going to vomit and/or pass out. It was such a relief to get him home and in our own comfort zone. I decided to take Tuesday off, as well, because he would not be able to stand or shower without me there. I was fortunately able to work from home for what equated to a half day, grading papers from my online students. As the day progressed, Nick felt better and better, and was able to sit up and move around.

Today I went to work as usual. Nick seemed to be doing fine home alone the first few times I called him. Then he told me his pain was getting worse, and that it felt like a nerve was pinching. He couldn't stand up without fainting again. He got a hold of one of the nurses, who told him that his symptoms were unnatural complications, and he should come to the ER immediately to be examined. Fortunately, my dear friends Katie and Trish were able to bring him to the hospital and stay with him for the hour I was not able to be there because I was at work.

The ER visit revealed that Nick's surgery wound was healing, but that the area was inflamed, probably due to all his activity and movement on Tuesday when he felt better. The inflammation was indeed pinching a nerve and causing him a great deal of pain. The nurses gave him some anti-inflammatory medications, and he felt better. I took him home after receiving a new prescription for anti-inflammatory meds, as well as a doctor's note telling Nick's employer that he is not allowed to work this weekend. At all.

I dropped the note off at his work, and his boss, who probably saw me, did not stop to talk to me about it, and instead proceeded to call my husband at home, telling him that if he did not work this weekend, he could not have the next weekend off, as was previously scheduled and supposedly decided upon.

Nick asked off for the 6th and 7th of November quite a while ago. He had to fight for those days off, because they are a Friday and Saturday, and apparently his employer will die if someone wants those two days off. But Nick fought it, reminding them he would be around all Thanksgiving and Christmas to work, and that he had not asked off a full weekend in several months.

Yet now they are going back on their (excuse me) fucking word, for the mere reason that "they NEED him" one of these next two weekends, even though the doctor said no work and even though he had previously received permission to have the 6th and 7th off.

The 6th and 7th wouldn't be so important to me/us if it wasn't going to be our one vacation for quite some time. It was going to be our one-year anniversary getaway, because we aren't able to afford tickets to see either of our families, and we wouldn't be able to go anywhere anyway because Nick's employer won't let him off for Thanksgiving and Christmas without yet another fight.

Oh, yeah, they need him THAT MUCH.

This trip is very important to me, probably more so than it is to Nick. He insists that at this point, job retention and stability is more important. Is it really? Since when do jobs come before setting time aside for your wife, especially for an anniversary, which, by the way, was over three months ago and he had to work on our actual anniversary date, too?

I see his point, but I also don't agree with the way his employer is basically slave-driving their workers because they can, because the economy is so bad Nick doesn't dare mouth off to them and risk losing his job.

Once Nick works out a weekend he can have off with his employer or if he gets this job at my work (PLEASE PRAY HE DOES!), his employer is going to receive a VERY strong-worded letter from me.

The inclusion of expletives is being considered.

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The weekend.

I am back. But I really don't have too much to say.

I had a very fun weekend. I'm sure you don't want to sit here and read about what happened first, and next, and oh, then after that this crazy thing happened. Instead, I'll give you a quick summary, instead of droning on and on as I usually do in these posts. This is what my trip boiled down to:

1. Slept in on Saturday morning
2. Jet-skied and swam on Saturday afternoon/evening
3. Drank wine, lit off fireworks, roasted S'mores Saturday night
4. Slept in on Sunday morning
5. Spent an extra hour in bed with Nick snuggling and dozing
6. Went on the boat and tried water-skiing, failing miserably, on Sunday afternoon
7. Did some more jet-skiing, followed friends in the boat as they went tubing, Nick almost crashed into the boat and to save us turned the jet-ski and we flipped off, I lost my favorite and only pair of sunglasses, I got super-pissed at him and went back to the lakehouse to shower and cool down, all on Sunday afternoon/evening
8. Left the lake house around 7 p.m. on Sunday night, got home at 1 a.m. on Monday

Oh, I forgot. We both got sunburnt on our shoulders and arms, and we are also both very, very stiff and aching from too much falling-off and jet-skiing. It was painful to even get into bed.

However, I can't complain too much. Nick and I had some much-needed alone time, as well as relaxing and having fun.

On another note, I found the perfect shower curtain for our bathroom!


Beautiful, isn't it? Thank you, Bed Bath and Beyond. You're genius.

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The hecticness that comes with a wedding week.

I am currently at my dear friend Katie's house, helping sort out all her wedding paraphenelia so that she can finally start to get everything together for every event leading up to and including her wedding. It's really very packed and busy at Katie's place as there are currently seven of us here including Katie preparing, polishing, cleaning, organizing, sorting, planning, and more. So I am really only taking a break because I promised myself as a writer that I would blog every day.

So far I haven't broken that promise!

I got out of the car after arriving at Katie's house, and I thought back to the time that Katie's sister Trish got married. I remember how busy that week was, too, as we had to gather everything together and all hang out in Omaha for a week to help out and attend/be in the wedding. I then remembered my wedding week and how I was only happy because people started to show up, all my friends and family, and Nick, of course. My wedding week was stressful for me, and incredibly scary in a certain sense, but I was glad to have loved ones around me. At the moment, I keep having random memories float up from the bottom of my mind about my wedding as I help Katie sort candles and figure out decorations. Even though I'm not making the decisions and these are not my colors, I remember distinctly when I was organizing my candles and figuring out which color lights should go with which color ribbon.

Then I realized that people arrived today for the wedding, more friends and family for Katie's wedding, and I got giddy for her. I had my special day, and though there were things that I wish I could've changed and there are things I'll never forget, I'm always excited to see what other people are going through, what they choose, what they are doing, and how everyone tries to pitch in to help (well, the majority of people, anyway).

I'm getting very excited for Katie and Jesse. It doesn't seem like this is the wedding week yet. But it is.

Hang on for the ride.

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The moments where I feel faint.

Today started out on a terrible note. I could not get to sleep from 1:30 a.m. to 3 a.m., and so all I did to whittle away at my awaken stupor was sit on Facebook and chat with Alvin for an hour and a half and skim through people's photos of the European concert tour. Fortunately, I fell asleep after these endeavours.

I woke up to my alarm at 8 a.m. For those of you with poor math skills, this equaled 5 hours of sleep. I don't do 5 hours of sleep. But I had planned on going to Omaha with friends for a graduation party; so I started crying because I felt guilty about not wanting to go anymore, and about being tired, and about generally feeling worthless. Nick tried to comfort me, and then I started talking and we started discussing, and things just blew up. One of those marital spats, I guess you could call it. We ended up working things out and falling asleep on the couch together until he had to get up an hour later to get to work on time.

Then I woke up at 3 p.m. I think that added another 5 hours to my sleep schedule, so fortunately I got 10 hours of sleep. I talked to my sisters for about an hour, and then showered, and then worked on my hair, which was another source of woe. I am not used to my hair being longer (though some of you would argue it's not long, and it really isn't, except when I'm previously used to it only being about 2 inches long and now it's 4 or 5, I find it frustrating and hard to deal with). It took me a good hour and a half to fiddle around with my hair, trying new styles and figuring out what would work and what wouldn't. I want something quick and easy; that did not happen today.

The day got better after this. Nick came home for lunch and was very cheerful that his longer shift was over and had only a short shift to go. After he'd left, I cleaned up my desk, dusted the apartment, washed the dishes, and started to clean up a few other things like our filing cabinet as I watched Rat Race. I touched the computer only once these past few hours, excepting now, and I'm proud of myself for that, at least.

I'm sort of back in a lull at this point, however. I was hoping to see friends and hang out with Alicia again because she's back in town for Katie's wedding, but she's with her boyfriend (I don't blame her for this at all considering Jon was in Japan). And no one else seems to be back from Omaha yet; if they are, they haven't let me know. I want to get some more organizing done but I feel very unmotivated to do so. I feel like I don't want to do anything, which I don't think Nick wants to hear, either. What I should really do is just go to bed soon, and make sure I get enough sleep for church tomorrow, so we don't miss it again.

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel more lively.

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The night when things are on my mind.

I know I posted earlier about all the things I was thinking of, and how my mind was going crazy. Unfortunately, that is also happening tonight.

However, I am at least this time a bit farther than I was in that last post. There have been developments that are actually causing my brain to sort things out, one at a time.

The interview I had a few days ago turned into a job offer, only it's part-time rather than full because my interviewer was unable to decide between me and another candidate, so he's asking us if we could share the job. I won't get insurance, but I'd be making enough money (even though it's part-time) to afford health insurance on my own, as well as the 30-minute commute one-way to the job itself. I would only have to work 8-12 every day, or only three days a week from 8-4:30. Before accepting, Nick and I are going to pray about it the next few days, and I also need to ask my potential employer whether or not I would be able to ask for days off if I needed them.

The idea floating through my mind at this point is that if I accept the job, I will be under contract until May of next year. This would allow Nick and I sufficient time to find jobs in Colorado, and for me to decide whether or not grad school is for me, and what I'd study, and where I'd go. In addition, we'd be able to see our friends for longer, the ones who have graduated with me and the ones who are still in college this coming year. In May, most of our friends plan to move out of Iowa, anyway, and we are all thinking of moving to Colorado together. Nick is also thinking this is the best course for our lives right now.

If I don't accept this job, we'd have to work extra-hard to get jobs in Colorado, and save as much as we could to move soon. Though we'd like to be in Colorado because we think it's beautiful, we have little money to move, and even less to start a new life in the state's slightly more expensive economy. We're willing to risk a few hard months at first if we had jobs, but at this point we don't. So not accepting this job offer in Iowa could be potentially devastating to our careers, finances, and overall quality of life.

I may be able to go to another country to teach English, if the program that I joined/got accepted by paid for almost all our expenses. However, the only connections I have at this point are all in Asia, and Nick is very wary of the stability and safety of Asian countries. I'm trying to convince him that it probably won't be that bad, because many students and universities in Asian countries really want English speakers to come and instruct them. Also, South Korea has a strong Reformed background in certain parts, and I have two connections to universities there where some fellow college alumni are currently teaching. They say it's a great experience, and the quality and cost of life is pretty much like living in a decent apartment in the States.

At this point, Nick and I are focusing mainly on the job offer I got here in Iowa. Neither of us know we can really get anywhere or advance in our desired career fields with the jobs we have/will have, but it's a stable start that will help us pay off our loans as well as save for a move and/or grad school. I don't think we should try to ask for more than that.

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The achings of the heart.

My heart aches in a way that is fortunately not cliché. I am not hopelessly in love (in love, yes, but not hopelessly or as ridiculously as people in romantic comedies). I am not grieving. I am not yearning. I am not enraged. I am simply living.

There is so much on my plate right now that my heart literally aches from the pressure and confusion of it all. I am finding it hard to organize my thoughts and actions and obligations at this point. Here's a short list of some of the things I'm mulling over:

1. bathroom needs to be cleaned
2. floors need to be mopped
3. apartment needs to be dusted
4. tablecloth and towels need to be washed
5. purchases need to be returned to Sioux Falls
6. purchases need to be made in Sioux Falls
7. plans need to be made to do something fun with Nick tomorrow
8. people need to be contacted about our interest in moving to Colorado
9. my resume needs to be edited
10. I need to keep uploading files back onto my laptop
11. I want a good storm, for Pete's sake
12. I want to figure out what I want to do for grad school and where I'll go
13. I want a job that I enjoy at least the majority of the time
14. four papers need to be sent to the English department
15. Volkers really needs me to start transcription work, like now
16. thank-you notes need to be written for wedding gifts (I feel SO guilty about this one...)
17. Katie and Jesse's wedding and all the events surrounding it
18. recipes need to be copied onto recipe cards
19. important papers need to be organized and filed into our new file box
20. I still need to call my old co-worker Jen back

And the list continues. Who would have thought that all of this would bugged me? I know that I've handled things like this before during school, and I'm surprised I'm so annoyed by it right now and I wasn't necessarily all the time when it happened during college. And I wonder why that is.

I know for sure I have to learn to be content more, and grow closer to God. I think my spiritual side has slackened somewhat as of late, and I know how to fix it from my end, but it's always just so hard to take that one step towards God, because He knows all and that seems to scare the shit out of me.

I think I lied at the beginning of this post. Maybe my heart actually is aching in a cliché manner: I am yearning for many things.

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The 1 a.m. walk.

If I can actively remember to follow my own decision, I've decided to start all the titles of future blog posts with the word "the," just because it sounds uniform and is vaguely reminiscent of the nomenclature of TV episodes (i.e. Friends' episodes were always in the form of "The One..." and Scrubs' episodes, per J.D.'s voice-overs and monologues, always start with "My...").

Now onto this blog's topic: the 1 a.m. walk. That's right; Nick and I went on a walk at 1 a.m., and it was utterly refreshing. We can usually talk just fine in our apartment, at the dinner table, around friends, et cetera, but it's only in a few rare locations and situations that we talk fluently and naturally with each other. We've decided that walks are one of these situations.

On this particular walk, we realized that we both want to move to Colorado Springs, CO. So then we realized that the best step to acheiving that goal is for me to get a job. Fortunately, I have an interview set up with Alpha Omega on Monday, and though I'm highly nervous, I'm also anticipating the interview like none other now that I have an actual life goal in mind.

The walk was also quite liberating due to the fact that we saw no other living soul except for one person driving a car, and that car was also the only car we saw running and on the road. We started out from our apartment walking down the middle of the road, which I had to admit to Nick I'd never done before because you can't really do such things in Phoenix very long or you'll get killed. Seeing no one else, and walking down the middle of the road without fear of being hit, made me feel in control for some reason. I thought to myself, "I own this city." I felt like Nick and I were the only two people who existed on planet Earth for those brief 30 minutes. And we could do anything we wanted, because damn it, we ruled not just the town, but the entire world.

I know this mindset of ridiculously empowered and completely unswervable young adult-ism will not last forever. But that's okay. It allowed Nick and I to finally smell that one tree growing outside of West Hall dorms, because it was 1 a.m. and the wind wasn't blowing. It allowed Nick and I to walk hand-in-hand down the middle of the road, because it was 1 a.m. and there was only one car on the road our entire walk. It allowed Nick and I to share our dreams with each other, because it was 1 a.m. and no one but God could hear us and smile.

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