The time I wrote after nearly two months.

It's been almost two months since I wrote. These have been an exciting two months.

Nick and I stayed home for Christmas and celebrated the day with Katie and Jesse, champagne, Scrabble, Settlers of Catan, and a sexy, ridiculous, B (maybe C?) grade movie called Bandidas starring Penélope Cruz and Salma Hayek. Those combined into a very unique Christmas day.

Nick and I finalized the purchase of our very first home on December 31. We had a lot to celebrate that night as we looked to the new year. We were moved in completely by the end of the second week of January. There will be pictures to come. :)

Nick also finished up his job at Fareway and started working full-time only at Alpha Omega as a technician in the technical support department. He realizes what a fantastic opportunity this is for him to advance in the computer and customer service fields. Plus, I'm not going to lie, it's nice to see hubby on breaks and during lunch.

I have successfully kept alive two plants, one normal ivy plant that when flourishing grows so rapidly I've come to call it Rapunzel for the sheer length of the vines that hang out of the pot, and one neanthebella palm named Plant in honor of Wall-E. My friend Trish also bestowed on me a bamboo owned by our dear friend Jess, who couldn't take Angelica (the bamboo) back with her to Canada. In addition, at our housewarming party at the end of January, I inherited yet another ivy plant that I plan to name if I can keep it alive, as it is already withering even with being fed plant food once a week and water every other day.

It's the small things in life that need to make me happy.

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The "We seem to be made to suffer; it's our lot in life" post.

Such an incredibly optimistic title, that. Just be happy I still adore Star Wars enough to quote it; at least that movie has never failed me.

A lot has happened since my last post about possibly doing handmade crafts for etsy.com. And it all relates to Monday.

Nick had surgery this past Monday on a hernia that acted up after he lifted meat crates at work the previous week. He was unable to lift anything substantial all week before his surgery, and he always ended up being uncomfortable from pain by the end of any of his shifts.

He scheduled a time to have surgery, which his employer so politely told him he couldn't have that day because they wanted him to work this week. He basically told them that he needed the surgery and they would have to deal with him not working for a few days, but he allowed them to schedule him for this Friday and Saturday, for short shifts.

Monday we arrived at the hospital bright and early for prep and the surgery. I had taken thte day off, figuring I would just go in on Friday to make up for my lost time (I don't usually work Fridays). The surgery didn't take long; I barely had time to return some items bought at a store the day before, run home, and come back to the hospital to e-mail my co-workers when I was called to meet the surgeon.

Everything went well, apparently, and though Nick was in a lot of pain, we were glad things went smoothly. The nurses told us we would probably be home by 3 or 4 p.m. that day, if Nick was feeling strong and sound enough to stand up, use the restroom, and get into a wheelchair out to the car.

Three or 4 p.m. was a severe underestimation of Nick's recovery abilities.

We were at the hospital until 9:30 p.m., because Nick could not stand for the longest time without feeling like he was going to vomit and/or pass out. It was such a relief to get him home and in our own comfort zone. I decided to take Tuesday off, as well, because he would not be able to stand or shower without me there. I was fortunately able to work from home for what equated to a half day, grading papers from my online students. As the day progressed, Nick felt better and better, and was able to sit up and move around.

Today I went to work as usual. Nick seemed to be doing fine home alone the first few times I called him. Then he told me his pain was getting worse, and that it felt like a nerve was pinching. He couldn't stand up without fainting again. He got a hold of one of the nurses, who told him that his symptoms were unnatural complications, and he should come to the ER immediately to be examined. Fortunately, my dear friends Katie and Trish were able to bring him to the hospital and stay with him for the hour I was not able to be there because I was at work.

The ER visit revealed that Nick's surgery wound was healing, but that the area was inflamed, probably due to all his activity and movement on Tuesday when he felt better. The inflammation was indeed pinching a nerve and causing him a great deal of pain. The nurses gave him some anti-inflammatory medications, and he felt better. I took him home after receiving a new prescription for anti-inflammatory meds, as well as a doctor's note telling Nick's employer that he is not allowed to work this weekend. At all.

I dropped the note off at his work, and his boss, who probably saw me, did not stop to talk to me about it, and instead proceeded to call my husband at home, telling him that if he did not work this weekend, he could not have the next weekend off, as was previously scheduled and supposedly decided upon.

Nick asked off for the 6th and 7th of November quite a while ago. He had to fight for those days off, because they are a Friday and Saturday, and apparently his employer will die if someone wants those two days off. But Nick fought it, reminding them he would be around all Thanksgiving and Christmas to work, and that he had not asked off a full weekend in several months.

Yet now they are going back on their (excuse me) fucking word, for the mere reason that "they NEED him" one of these next two weekends, even though the doctor said no work and even though he had previously received permission to have the 6th and 7th off.

The 6th and 7th wouldn't be so important to me/us if it wasn't going to be our one vacation for quite some time. It was going to be our one-year anniversary getaway, because we aren't able to afford tickets to see either of our families, and we wouldn't be able to go anywhere anyway because Nick's employer won't let him off for Thanksgiving and Christmas without yet another fight.

Oh, yeah, they need him THAT MUCH.

This trip is very important to me, probably more so than it is to Nick. He insists that at this point, job retention and stability is more important. Is it really? Since when do jobs come before setting time aside for your wife, especially for an anniversary, which, by the way, was over three months ago and he had to work on our actual anniversary date, too?

I see his point, but I also don't agree with the way his employer is basically slave-driving their workers because they can, because the economy is so bad Nick doesn't dare mouth off to them and risk losing his job.

Once Nick works out a weekend he can have off with his employer or if he gets this job at my work (PLEASE PRAY HE DOES!), his employer is going to receive a VERY strong-worded letter from me.

The inclusion of expletives is being considered.

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The goal to start writing more.

So I think I need to keep writing more.

After a great night at the bar with my good friend Alvin, I believe I need to start writing more, and start freelancing, and do whatever the hell else I can do in order to become a better and even published writer.

This decision has little to do with the influence of alcohol; I have in fact been thinking of doing this for a while now. I always thought it'd be rewarding (if not hard at first) to be a freelance writer. I've heard and gotten encouragement from many people that freelancing is a great option for me at this point. Random paychecks with some great experience.

I've always wanted to write since I was a kid. I didn't know exactly what I wanted to write, or when, or how, but I always knew I wanted to write something good (and by good, I meant somewhat popular or at least well-received), and I wanted to write for the rest of my life. I'm assuming freelancing is going to be a step in the right direction for this goal.

So the next step is making sure I start my tutoring business with Katie, and then figuring out my personal schedule from there, and working during my "free time" to write and submit my writing to various papers, magazines, journals, etc.

Anyone have any suggestions? I'm open to ideas.

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The vacation blues.

Now that Katie and Jesse are married and relaxing on their honeymoon (soon to be in Italy), I happen to want the same thing all over again.

Since I can't have the same thing all over again, I am now wishing for a second honeymoon. This normally doesn't happen until your 25th anniversary, or some anniversary around there.

Since it is only going to be my 1st anniversary and not my 25th, I have to hope for a vacation in the form of Ireland or the Dominican Republic within the next two years.

I probably should have put a disclaimer at the beginning of this post: I love traveling, and this is the main reason I want to go on vacation. The second reason is probably because I get tired of Iowa, and the third is probably because I feel that America's work ethic is too destructive for our own good and we should really spend a few less hours at work and more time for ourselves and our families.

The prospect of my new job is therefore only slightly depressing and daunting to me, and I am sadly only working part-time. Imagine what I would be like if I'd gotten the full-time position. I feel like I'm a better person and truly myself when I have a good, part-time job that leaves room for personal goals, hobbies, volunteer work, spiritual life, and trips. Trips equal vacation.

Therefore, I should be happy about my new position being only part-time, but I see it as only a small stepping stone into the real world of full-time misery. I assume if I had a full-time job that I at least liked or loved most of the time that I wouldn't consider it misery, but those jobs are few and far between. However, since I don't have a full-time position I am not going to worry about it at the moment, and make the most of my new job and the free time that it gives me.

With this free time, I am going to try to make some extra money by tutoring, and hopefully this extra income and the money I save from my part-time job will be put toward that Ireland or Dominican Republic vacation. That, I would say, is a worthy goal. A goal worthy of no complaint or discontent, because I know that (unlike many people) I have the ability and means to accomplish the goal, even if it's not in the near future. Therefore, I'm going to work at not complaining or being discontent as much as I normally do.

Fortunately, I'll have a small vacation this coming fourth of July weekend at my friends' lake house again.

I'm terribly spoiled.

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The night when things are on my mind.

I know I posted earlier about all the things I was thinking of, and how my mind was going crazy. Unfortunately, that is also happening tonight.

However, I am at least this time a bit farther than I was in that last post. There have been developments that are actually causing my brain to sort things out, one at a time.

The interview I had a few days ago turned into a job offer, only it's part-time rather than full because my interviewer was unable to decide between me and another candidate, so he's asking us if we could share the job. I won't get insurance, but I'd be making enough money (even though it's part-time) to afford health insurance on my own, as well as the 30-minute commute one-way to the job itself. I would only have to work 8-12 every day, or only three days a week from 8-4:30. Before accepting, Nick and I are going to pray about it the next few days, and I also need to ask my potential employer whether or not I would be able to ask for days off if I needed them.

The idea floating through my mind at this point is that if I accept the job, I will be under contract until May of next year. This would allow Nick and I sufficient time to find jobs in Colorado, and for me to decide whether or not grad school is for me, and what I'd study, and where I'd go. In addition, we'd be able to see our friends for longer, the ones who have graduated with me and the ones who are still in college this coming year. In May, most of our friends plan to move out of Iowa, anyway, and we are all thinking of moving to Colorado together. Nick is also thinking this is the best course for our lives right now.

If I don't accept this job, we'd have to work extra-hard to get jobs in Colorado, and save as much as we could to move soon. Though we'd like to be in Colorado because we think it's beautiful, we have little money to move, and even less to start a new life in the state's slightly more expensive economy. We're willing to risk a few hard months at first if we had jobs, but at this point we don't. So not accepting this job offer in Iowa could be potentially devastating to our careers, finances, and overall quality of life.

I may be able to go to another country to teach English, if the program that I joined/got accepted by paid for almost all our expenses. However, the only connections I have at this point are all in Asia, and Nick is very wary of the stability and safety of Asian countries. I'm trying to convince him that it probably won't be that bad, because many students and universities in Asian countries really want English speakers to come and instruct them. Also, South Korea has a strong Reformed background in certain parts, and I have two connections to universities there where some fellow college alumni are currently teaching. They say it's a great experience, and the quality and cost of life is pretty much like living in a decent apartment in the States.

At this point, Nick and I are focusing mainly on the job offer I got here in Iowa. Neither of us know we can really get anywhere or advance in our desired career fields with the jobs we have/will have, but it's a stable start that will help us pay off our loans as well as save for a move and/or grad school. I don't think we should try to ask for more than that.

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The achings of the heart.

My heart aches in a way that is fortunately not cliché. I am not hopelessly in love (in love, yes, but not hopelessly or as ridiculously as people in romantic comedies). I am not grieving. I am not yearning. I am not enraged. I am simply living.

There is so much on my plate right now that my heart literally aches from the pressure and confusion of it all. I am finding it hard to organize my thoughts and actions and obligations at this point. Here's a short list of some of the things I'm mulling over:

1. bathroom needs to be cleaned
2. floors need to be mopped
3. apartment needs to be dusted
4. tablecloth and towels need to be washed
5. purchases need to be returned to Sioux Falls
6. purchases need to be made in Sioux Falls
7. plans need to be made to do something fun with Nick tomorrow
8. people need to be contacted about our interest in moving to Colorado
9. my resume needs to be edited
10. I need to keep uploading files back onto my laptop
11. I want a good storm, for Pete's sake
12. I want to figure out what I want to do for grad school and where I'll go
13. I want a job that I enjoy at least the majority of the time
14. four papers need to be sent to the English department
15. Volkers really needs me to start transcription work, like now
16. thank-you notes need to be written for wedding gifts (I feel SO guilty about this one...)
17. Katie and Jesse's wedding and all the events surrounding it
18. recipes need to be copied onto recipe cards
19. important papers need to be organized and filed into our new file box
20. I still need to call my old co-worker Jen back

And the list continues. Who would have thought that all of this would bugged me? I know that I've handled things like this before during school, and I'm surprised I'm so annoyed by it right now and I wasn't necessarily all the time when it happened during college. And I wonder why that is.

I know for sure I have to learn to be content more, and grow closer to God. I think my spiritual side has slackened somewhat as of late, and I know how to fix it from my end, but it's always just so hard to take that one step towards God, because He knows all and that seems to scare the shit out of me.

I think I lied at the beginning of this post. Maybe my heart actually is aching in a cliché manner: I am yearning for many things.

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The interview.

Tomorrow is my very first interview for the first job possibility since I graduated in May. It is for an online academy, and I am being considered for the position of high school Language Arts teacher.

Normally, I would have turned down such an offer because I am not an education major nor did I seriously want to teach for the rest of my life, but considering that I am currently unemployed and would rather do something along the lines of English rather than go to work at a menial, low-paying job that any high school graduate can do, I decided to go for it. In addition, I told myself in the past that if I ever became a teacher I would want to teach high school, alone, simply because I find that age and period in life to be not just difficult but utterly important in the shaping of one's future, and I do not want the next generation to grow up without a love of reading and writing.

I briefly scanned the academy's website to do "research" before I go to my interview, and unfortunately, I'm a little daunted. I thought I would be able to plan out my own curriculum, but the school already has every unit for every grade planned. I suppose this is fine; it is, after all, less work on my end. However, the reason I'm daunted is because of the curriculum. There's a lot to take in, subjects that cover the entire span of the English language (excepting a few important elements that I would add if I could, such as the basics of linguistics and Classical literature). There's so much to take in that I am unsure if I can handle all of that, especially the areas I never did very well in, like criticism and poetry.

If I want this job, how do I act competent in these areas that I know I'm lacking?

Even if I hope to impress my interviewer, I will still have to work very hard to stay on top of things, one step ahead of my students. I know I can do that; it'd almost be like I'm back in school again, researching and preparing for any questions or help the students may need. However, the thought as of right now is just overwhelming.

Teaching is definitely harder than most people give it credit for, especially considering the fact that if you don't have the answer to a student's question or if you can't help with a problem, you most likely feel like you're failing them. If you admit your ignorance humbly and recommend that you both look for the answer together and compile your knowledge so you can both benefit from the research, the bright students will agree with your suggestion (and may even consider you a phenomenal teacher), but the uncaring students may label you as stupid and an unworthy excuse of a teacher.

Maybe that's what I should focus on in the interview tomorrow when I don't actually know how to do something or know the answer to a question: I'll admit my ignorance humbly and acknowledge that I have some growing to do in that area, but that I am indeed willing to learn. Maybe my interviewer will, like the bright students, take my gumption as a good sign and at least consider me for the position. Maybe my interviewer won't appreciate my lack of competence in these areas that I clearly should have been prepared for in applying for such a job.

Maybe...

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The decisions we make.

Today seemed to present a lot of things to think about. The first, and least important, of these things was how to create and put together rehearsal dinner invitations for my dear friends' wedding. Katie gave us all her scrapbooking items to use, and said we did not need to have a specific format to any of the invites, and that we could create unique, random invites at our own whim, as long as they provided all the information needed to guests and were, um... decent. (If you receive the rehearsal dinner invite with the lift-up wedding dress skirt, know it was not me.)

As a relatively artistic and creative person, I happen to put a lot of thought into whatever creative endeavours are put before me. If there are lots of options for creativity, I tend to think of many ideas all at once and must literally write things down in order of how I thought of them if I do not want to forget what I thought of in the first place. In this case, I simply grabbed whatever scrapbook item inspired me to create something and put those items in order of inspiration. Sometimes this created havoc as other people needed the stickers I'd placed on my space of the floor, or someone else was using the silver pen I needed to finish my next-in-line invite. However, I did not have to agonize too much as all of us working on creating invitations are good friends and happen to be very polite. In addition, I did not have to put too much thought into my creations: I simply had to decide what type of invitation I wanted to make next (should I make a cute one? A simple one? An elegant one? A witty one?).

Those minor decisions behind me, I was next faced with the issue of weddings themselves. I tend to look only at the things that I would have changed in my wedding, rather than focus on the fact that I even had a beautiful wedding and am now married (my patient husband often reminds me of this fact with a slight hint of agitation in his voice). Once Katie and Jesse are married, I would not have to "worry" about what I would have done differently at my wedding except for the fact that our other good friend is now also engaged and is starting to plan her wedding.

I have come to realize I adore wedding planning. I had a blast with it up until two months before my wedding, at which point I was apart from Nick and all my friends and simply wanted my wedding day to come so I could see everyone again. I realize that I could become a wedding planner quite easily if the market called for it in the area I'm living in, and if I worked hard to familiarize myself with the industry of weddings and wedding planning themselves. Though I do believe it's sad that weddings are no longer ceremonies of lifetime promises but rather a show of who has enough money to afford the newest, trendiest, and "best" wedding on the market, I have also come to realize that this very materialistic and selfish view of weddings has rubbed off on me for whatever reason; I tend to "size up" my wedding to everyone else's, which is absolutely debasing to my own special day as well as to other's. So another decision I had to make tonight was not to allow myself to analyze my friend's ring, or her colors, or her table setting choices. It was hard, but I eventually remember that I am indeed married, and that is, after all, the entire point of a wedding.

Finally, I was reminded of my future, and how many decisions are on my doorstep. I have a job interview on Monday for a teaching position here in Iowa, I have some connections in Colorado Springs that may turn out to be some good leads, I want to go to graduate school, and I also am interested in going overseas to teach English. All sound appealing, but none sound final. A few weeks ago, I had no job opportunities at all and suddenly I am now presented with at least three different possibilities. Now I have to figure out what I want.

What do I want? What do I put my heart and soul into? I do not want to leave my friends in Iowa just yet; Nick and I had tentatively planned on staying here another year partly because of our friends and partly because of our cheap living situation, both cons that we would not find in many other parts of the States or world. So this tells me I must throw my effort towards impressing my interviewer on Monday so I get that job and we stay here for a bit yet. But Nick and I adore Colorado Springs and the beauty of that location, so do I actually search actively for a good job there and, upon receiving one, move? We would be closer to both our families, but we'd be away from friends. And what about grad school? I love learning so much that I want to go to grad school, but for what... I'm not sure yet. I don't really know what I want to study more in-depth, or what the rest of my life should look like career-wise. And what about teaching in another country? A phenomenal experience that can never be replicated, but where? Nick tends to distrust the safety of all Asian countries, but those are the only places I could get a job for sure.

I didn't think I'd have so many decisions to think about and make tonight, and on such a wide scale of importance, starting with the relatively minor task of creating rehearsal dinner invitations and ending with the daunting issue of my future. I suppose this is what comes of being an adult, or a human, for that matter. Fortunately, I found that in this entire decision-oriented night that I had three things to think about, and I was always taught in my Rhetoric class in high school that in order to have a solid argument or apology, you need to have three fully-developed points. Anything less is detrimental to your position, anything more is usually extravagent and unnecessary. So I take comfort in the fact that I had exactly three decisions to think about. Maybe that means I'm still solid.

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